To Kiss A Mezuzah

"Signs of God" at TC Jewfolk

2012-02-15T11:20:00.000-08:00

How open are you to recognizing the signs of God surrounding you? Read my latest post, Signs of God, at TC Jewfolk.

Bay Area JHC Kol Haneshama – Class 2

2012-02-10T13:09:00.001-08:00

By Susan Esther Barnes

Thursday night, I attended the second evening of the Kol Haneshama class series given by the Bay Area Jewish Healing Center. The purpose of the class is to train volunteers to work at the Jewish Home in San Francisco with people who are approaching the end of life. The class is also open to people like me who don’t live in San Francisco, and who will be using what we learn in our own community.

I arrived early, and used the time to walk the labyrinth on the grounds of the Mercy Center where the meeting was being held. I had never walked a labyrinth before, and I was curious what it would be like. This particular labyrinth is in a beautiful setting, surrounded by bushes and trees, as well as chairs and benches. Unfortunately, it is a little too close to a road and parking lot, which led to traffic noise interfering with an otherwise idyllic setting.

I found the experience of walking the labyrinth to be a bit distracting. On some of the longer stretches I found myself thinking about one thing or another, but then I felt interrupted every time I had to make a U-turn to continue to follow the path. As a result, I didn’t find the experience to be either restful or helpful. I found myself thinking I would have preferred to just sit on one of the benches to think.

When I walked into the gathering area for the class, I realized that, when I arrived for the first class, I had felt like an individual walking into a room with a bunch of other individuals. Walking in the second evening, I felt like a person walking into a group of people of which I am a member. This tells me the trainers did something right the first time, to help us to feel like a group.

After dinner, one of the trainers talked for a while about silence, and then gave us an opportunity to just sit in silence for a while. This allowed me to experience what I had found myself wishing for when I had been in the labyrinth earlier.

Next, we were asked to think about an experience that we found to be spiritual, to write down what the experience was, and to write what was spiritual about it. Everyone then shared what we wrote, and we discussed spirituality in general, as well as how diverse our experiences were. One thing we had in common, though, was a sense of awe.

We were reminded that what is spiritual for one person may not be for another, and that even if two people say the same activity is spiritual, each one may find different aspects of that experience to be spiritual. For example, what I find spiritual about Chanukah may be lighting the candles with my husband, while for someone else it might be the smell and taste of latkes.

Toward the end of the evening, we broke up into small groups to discuss what the class experience has been like for us so far. One person asked whether it was intentional that we weren’t asked to introduce ourselves to the class, and weren’t asked to tell each other what brought us there.

I let her know I found the experience refreshing to allow people to form a picture of who I am based on what I say and do, rather than what labels I may put on myself if I were asked to introduce myself formally.

The trainer said it was intentional, and is done that way partly because, when we walk into a room as a volunteer, we may know very little, if anything, about that person or their background. We need to be able to do our work despite this lack of knowledge, knowing that in some cases, even the person we are visiting may not be capable (due to language, physical or mental reasons) of telling us about themselves.

Next up will be two full days – Saturday and Sunday – with the class. I was pleased to learn that Saturday morning will include a prayer service, as well as Havdalah at the end. I’m sure the weekend will be tiring, but I’m hoping it will be energizing, as well.

Bay Area JHC Kol Haneshama – Class 1

2012-02-08T18:00:00.000-08:00

By Susan Esther Barnes

Earlier this week, I attended the first evening of the Kol Haneshama class series given by the Bay Area Jewish Healing Center. The purpose of the class is to train volunteers to work at the Jewish Home in San Francisco with people who are approaching the end of life. The class is also open to people like me who don’t live in San Francisco, and who will be using what we learn in our own community.

The class series consists of two evenings this week, two evenings next week and one full weekend in between. That is a lot to pack into a short period of time, especially considering the evenings are from 5:15 until 10 pm and the two weekend days are each from 8:30 am to 7 pm.

We were told that the evening sessions would include a meal, but I was a bit surprised when the meal started at 5:30 and continued until 6:30. This meant we had an hour and 15 minutes, plus whatever extra time beforehand for those of us who arrived early, to do nothing but talk with each other and to eat.

Later, when one of the trainers went over a list of things to keep in mind during the sessions, I realized what was going on. We were told, “The process is the content,” and I realized that part of the plan must be to help us to slow down from our busy day, as well as to give us a chance to get to know each other a little, before the training started.

In keeping with the “process is the content” idea, we continued with an ice breaker activity, a little text study, and a meditation. By that point, frankly, I was getting a bit impatient. I know many human beings require more time to get to know other people than I do before they feel safe enough to start talking certain things, but I wanted to move on.

Finally, we got to the last activity of the evening, which I found fascinating.

One of the trainers passed out one photo to each of us, face down. He explained that these were all photos of people who had been in hospice. We turned them face-side-up when he told us to do so, so we could look at the person in front of us. We were sitting in a circle, and he told us to pass our photo to the person on our right whenever he said, “Next.”

As we looked at the photos, he told us to notice certain things about them, such as, “What is surprising about this photo,” or “What do you see in the person’s environment?” From time to time, as he talked, he said, “Next,” and we passed the photo we had and took another from the person on our left.

At one point – and this was brilliant – he handed a couple of extra photos to some people, so they had three photos at once. He also took the photos from some people, so they had none. Then, he started to talk about things like how, while we are doing this work, we may go on vacation, expecting to see the same people when we return, but by the time we get back, one or more of them may be gone. He also talked about how some volunteers would form deep relationships with people we may never spend much time with, or may never even meet.

At the same time, he started occasionally saying, “Next,” much more frequently. As a result, some people, especially those with three photos, barely got any time to see the photos they had, while others had no photos to look at, at all. I thought this was a great way to model how unbalanced this work must feel sometimes.

Afterward, we talked about the photos, and we had a chance to say which one startled us, or which photo we fell in love with, or which one made us uncomfortable, etc.

One photo we talked about for a while was of a young man holding up his driver’s license. We discussed how patients sometimes feel a loss of identity as well as mobility, and the driver’s license symbolizes both. We also mentioned how different he looked from his license photo, and how challenging it must be, when one becomes ill, to find oneself looking so different.

I was particularly struck by the fact that most of us don’t like our driver’s license photo, but that if we lost a bunch of weight, and/or our hair, or suffered other changes in our looks due to illness, how most of us would dearly love to look like that license photo again. As they say, sometimes you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.

I was also captivated by a photo of a woman with her eyes closed and her mouth open. It reminded me of my friend Rose, may her memory be a blessing, on the morning of the day she died. She, too, was unresponsive, and just lying there, breathing with her mouth open. I would have liked to sit with the woman in the photo, as I sat with Rose that morning.

I am looking forward to what the rest of the training has in store, although I’m sure much of Thursday night through Sunday will pass in a blur. Stay tuned.

It Was the Oddest High School Reunion

2012-01-24T18:00:00.000-08:00

By Susan Esther Barnes

It happened days ago, but I can’t stop thinking about it. It was the memorial celebration for Mark West, held at the Contra Costa Civic Theatre, where Mark participated in so many plays, and where he taught at the summer drama camp for kids for a decade or more. It was where I was the House Manager for a few years in the 80’s, and where the man who is now my husband ran the lighting booth.

Many of the people attending the memorial were people my husband and I had known in high school, although, for the most part, they were his friends more than mine. One of the first people who greeted me was Erika.

I remember Erika distinctly, partly because we played Dungeons and Dragons in the same group of people, but mostly because, in high school, I was jealous of her. She was younger than me, and blonder, and prettier, and many, many more boys wanted to date her than me.

I was quite surprised when the first thing Erika said to me was, “You look great. I wish I looked as good as you do.” When I was in high school, I would have killed to hear her say something like that. I would have told you it would never happen. And if you insisted that it would, I would have thought it would be cause for celebration. It wasn’t.

Despite the jealousy, I never disliked Erika. I could totally see what the boys saw in her. Not only was she pretty, she was a fun person. There was something inherently likeable in her that I can’t quite define. Who wouldn’t want to date her?

I don’t know what she looks like in her own eyes, but all of us have aged. None of us look like we did back then. Most of us have changed in other ways, too. But one thing she still has, and which is obvious right from the start, is her likeability. I am at a place in my life when I consider that to be much more important than whether we’ve picked up a few wrinkles or who has more grey hair.

I am no longer jealous of Erika. I am not jealous of Gretchen, or Rosalind, or any of the other people who were and/or are cuter than me, or have better legs, or blonder hair. I’m not jealous because I respect me for who I am, and I respect them for who they are. We are all attractive and powerful women in our own way.

The memorial itself was supposed to be a celebration, and it mostly consisted of stories about Mark. We heard about how he rushed to help when he thought a couple of kids were bullying another, how he challenged and inspired kids at drama camp, and how he treated his nieces and nephews to Slurpees and Top Dogs.

We saw clips from some of the plays he performed in, photos of him as he grew up, and a couple of clips of him that were used in a “Stand Up to Cancer” telethon in 2008.

We laughed a lot, we cried, and we cheered.

Afterward, we went to the Mallard Club, a place where Mark used to go to drink and to play dice and pool. It was the same place where, at his brother’s birthday party a number of years ago, we first learned Mark had cancer.

We told more stories about Mark, we toasted him countless times, and in between we caught up on each other’s lives.

It was the oddest high school reunion ever, and I think Mark would have approved.

"I Want to Know What I'm Praying For" on TC Jewfolk

2012-01-18T08:32:00.000-08:00

See my latest post at TC Jewfolk, called "I Want to Know What I'm Praying For." It was written before the surgeon told me I don't have cancer.

Adventures in Medical-land

2012-01-12T18:00:00.000-08:00

By Susan Esther Barnes

I know I haven’t been writing much lately. Frankly, I’ve been a little pre-occupied with my health, but now that a doctor has said he doesn’t think I have cancer, I suddenly find it easier to focus on other things.

It all started with a minor irritation I mentioned in my most recent post. After a week on antibiotics and anti-inflammatories there was no change. As advised, I visited my doctor (actually a substitute for my regular doctor since she was on vacation or something), and that’s when things got a little dicey.

The doctor wasn’t sure what I had or what to do next. She said I could try a different antibiotic, but since the first one had made no difference at all, she thought I probably didn’t have an infection. Therefore, we decided not to waste our time on that option.

She said there are a couple of diseases that don’t involve bacteria that could be causing the issue, and she mentioned something called “Padget’s Disease.” Then, she said she would leave the room for a moment to consult with someone with more specialized experience.

When she came back, she told me she had spoken with someone, and per their recommendation she had scheduled me for a mammogram that afternoon. In addition, she said I should see a surgeon, and that they would call me later that day to make an appointment.

She said all of this rather calmly, so it wasn’t until the next day, when I looked up “Mammary Padget’s Disease” online, and started to think how odd it was that she wanted me to see a surgeon without even waiting for the mammogram results, that I started to put it all together. What she was saying in her professional let’s-not-scare-the-patient way was, “I think you may have cancer.”

One of the interesting things I noticed during this process, aside from the desire not to scare me, was the willingness of the medical professionals to make stuff up. When I went in the first time, the nurse who took my vital signs asked me what I had come in for. I told her swelling and irritation, but I noticed that she typed in “breast pain.” I never used the word “pain,” and she never asked me if it hurt. I wondered at the time whether there were only a limited number of options from which she could choose, but it looked like she was just typing it in.

A week later, after Padget’s was mentioned and I was in the radiology department waiting for my mammogram, I looked at my paperwork. I saw that the doctor had written that I had been symptomatic for two weeks. Nobody had ever asked me how long I’d had my symptoms, and at that point it had been something more like four weeks. I don’t know how much it matters, but it seems to me they should try to get these things right, which doesn’t seem so hard to do when all they need to do is ask the patient who is sitting right there in front of them.

At any rate, the good news is that the surgeon said my mammogram looks normal, and he couldn’t find any evidence of a tumor, so there was nothing on which to do a biopsy. He gave me some ointment, and said to call my regular doctor if that doesn’t clear things up within a week.

I still don’t know what I have, or whether the ointment will get rid of it, but right now “not cancer” feels like a good place to be.

Consult with a Pharmacist

2011-12-28T18:00:00.000-08:00

By Susan Esther Barnes

I spent a couple of weeks this month looking at a certain area of my body that was a little red, a little irritated, a little swollen, but no big deal. “It will probably go away on its own, right?” I thought.

I don’t like to go to the doctor for every little thing. I’m not the type of person who seeks medical advice for a cold or flu. Plus, I hate antibiotics. They mess up my digestive system. And this looked suspiciously like a candidate for antibiotics, not of the topical ointment variety.

Finally, my husband (have I mentioned lately how wonderful he is?) talked me into making an appointment with my HMO. I was gratified that the nurse practitioner was somewhat stumped. The two things I least want to hear from a medical professional in a case like this are, “This is nothing. Why are you wasting my time?” and “This is serious. You obviously should have come to see me immediately when this appeared.”

She said she would consult with a doctor more knowledgeable in this area, and she’d call me later. That afternoon, I received a call from another nurse, telling me I need to take anitbiotics, an anti-inflammatory pill, use a warm compress on the area twice a day, and make an appointment for a follow up visit with my regular doctor in one week.

When I went to pick up my medication, the cashier asked me whether I would like to speak with the pharmacist. I said, “Yes.” I highly recommend speaking with the pharmacist any time you’re about to take a medication that you haven’t taken before, or haven’t taken in a long time.

I had no reason to believe the pharmacist would tell me anything helpful in this case. I can read the instructions that come with prescriptions, and I’m the kind of person who really does read them, including the list of possible side effects. Nevertheless, I said, “Yes, I would like to speak with the pharmacist.”

The pharmacist told me how often to take the medicine, which was clearly marked on the bottles. She also pointed out that the anti-inflammatory medication is supposed to be taken with food, and the antibiotic is not supposed to be taken with food, so I can’t take them both at the same time.

I mentioned that it’s too bad I can’t take the antibiotic with food, because antibiotics always make me nauseous. She said, “Well, I recommend you take it with a cracker or a piece of toast. That won’t hurt anything, and will help to protect your stomach.”

I said, “Thank you, that will help. But antibiotics really mess up my whole digestive system,” and I listed a couple of side effects we don’t need to go into here. So she said, “Eat one yogurt a day. That will help replace the good bacteria that are being killed by the antibiotic. But don’t eat the yogurt, or anything else with calcium, within two hours of taking the antibiotic, or the calcium will prevent at least some of the antibiotic from being absorbed.”

I replied, “I usually take a calcium supplement with dinner. Should I stop taking that while I’m on the antibiotic?”

“No,” she said, “As long as you don’t take the calcium within two hours of the antibiotic, you’ll be fine.”

To sum up, if I hadn’t talked with the pharmacist, I would have seen the warning about not taking calcium with the antibiotic, but I would have worried about the calcium supplement, and may have needlessly stopped taking it for a while.

Furthermore, I would have had no idea that it would be okay to eat a cracker or two with the antibiotic to protect my stomach. And it’s likely it wouldn’t have occurred to me to eat the yogurt to help with the good bacteria, and even if I did, I may have skipped it due to worries about the calcium. Talking with her was well worth my time.

So far, after two doses each of both medications, my stomach and digestive system feel fine. I know it’s still early, and things could go downhill later, but so far so good. Which is a new experience for me with antibiotics.

I know we’re all in a hurry, and it seems like we have better things to do than waiting in a line for a consultation when we just want to get our medicine and go home, but I highly recommend making the time. You never know what you’ll learn.

Is Santa a Christian Symbol?

2011-12-23T14:17:00.000-08:00

By Susan Esther Barnes

One of my posts at TC Jewfolk prompted a writer at the Twin Cities Star Tribune to write an article titled "Is Santa a Christian symbol or a relgious holiday poacher?"

Author Susan Hogan cites some interesting theories about how Santa isn't really Christian. In the end, though, where the Santa figure came from isn't as relevant to my original article as what he symbolizes now.

Ask any American what holiday Santa symbolizes, and the answer you will get is, "Christmas." What does Santa do? He brings Christmas presents. And what is Christmas? Even though many secular people celebrate this holiday in a non-religious way, ask any Christian in any church what Christmas is about, and they will tell you it's a holiday celebrating the birth of Jesus.

So maybe, technically, Santa is a Christian symbol once removed, but he is inextricably tied up in Christmas, a major holiday celebrated by Christians, celebrating the birth of a person of enormous importance to their religion. He may not be about, as Susan Hogan writes, "ho-ho-holiness," but neither should we pretend he is unconnected to one of the two major Christian holidays.

Shabbat in a Hotel Room

2011-12-21T09:09:00.000-08:00

My latest post at TC Jewfolk is here.

Read about how I ended up sitting in a hotel room on Friday night, with two candles, a bottle of wine, and a challah on the table, along with a prayer book in my lap and my cell phone beside me.

There's No Such Thing as a Good Stereotype

2011-12-17T20:02:00.000-08:00

By Susan Esther Barnes

A friend of a friend recently made a couple of comments on Facebook, saying that Jews are good with money and with numbers.

My response to him was, "Maybe you meant your comments about money and numbers as a compliment, but promoting sterotypes about any group is neither accurate nor helpful, IMHO."

He then said, "Promoting sterotypes is different than accepting them. Why fight something that is sterotypically good instead of accepting it? Hebrew language is based on numbers as well so mathmatics and language are taught from a young age, there is nothing wrong with it. IMHO."

Unfortunately, Facebook isn't a good place to have a discussion like this. A blog isn't either, really, but at least it's a place where I have the room to set out my thoughts on the subject.

I will start by agreeing that there is nothing wrong with teaching math and language from a young age. In fact, as far as I know, in most countries and cultures both of these things are taught from a young age. Everyone learns language, certainly, and most school-age children have at least some basic math skills. There is nothing special about Jews teaching these things to kids.

There are, however, several problems with repeating stereotypes of any kind, including those that may sound, on the surface, to be positive.

First of all, stereotypes are generalizations placed upon groups of people, and as such, they are inaccurate. If you take a random group of Jews, you will find some who are great with money and numbers, some who are terrible at them, and some who are somewhere in between. The same would be true of any random group of people from any religion or country.

Add to this the fact that many people were not born Jewish, but joined us through conversion. Do you think something in the conversion process suddenly makes these Jews better at numbers and math than they used to be? Is there something magical about learning Jewish history, traditions and rituals that imparts these skills upon converts? I think not.

Second, when people say Jews are good with money, this often refers to all sorts of other, less benign-sounding sterotypes. For instance, people say Jews will try to bargain you down on prices, they say Jews will try to cheat you in financial situations, they say Jews will charge you interest rates that are too high, they say Jews run the banks in this country, etc. Like the stereotype of "good with money," some of these things may be true of some Jews, but they are untrue of the majority of us.

Third, sterotypes like these can be demeaning. If I am Jewish and I am good with numbers, by applying this sterotype to me you are insulting me. You are saying that my years of studying, my hard work, my hours spent doing homework and memorizing multiplication tables don't matter. You are saying my skill with numbers is not due to my hard work and diligence, but is rather simply a product of my religion or perhaps my genes. This kind of thinking causes resentment when a Jewish person does better than a Gentile in math classes. It is the kind of thinking that can lead to antisemitism.

Further, if I am Jewish and I am not good at math or numbers, you are telling me I am flawed. Gentiles can be bad at these things, but if I am Jewish and I am bad at them, there is something fundamentally wrong with me. You are telling me I am not, truly, one with my own people. I am, in your mind, an outlier, unusual, not okay.

Fourth, there are Jewish laws about lashon hara, the "evil tongue." The Chafetz Chaim, a great scholar of lashon hara, said that not only should we not say bad things about people in public, we should not say good things about them in public either. That is because saying something good may prompt someone else to say something bad.

For instance, if I say, "Isn't Betty's dress lovely today?" someone else might say, "Yes, usually she looks like such a slob." Similarly, if you say, "Jews are good with money," it might prompt someone else to say, "Yeah, that's how they got away with all those mortgage scams."

So please, dispense with the stereotypes. I am, like you, an individual. Please have the courtesy to try to see me as I am, not as you think people like me ought to be. And I promise, I will try to do the same with you.

Your Questions Answered # 6

2011-12-16T13:52:00.001-08:00

By Susan Esther Barnes

One of the fun things about getting website statistics for my blog is I get to see the search terms people use to get here. A lot of those search terms are questions. You have some great questions, and I think they deserve an answer. So here is the latest installment of “Your Questions Answered.”

Are Orthodox Jews Respected in General by Other Jews?
This is a fascinating question. My first reaction is that I suspect that most secular and non-Orthodox Jews don’t spend a lot of time thinking about Orthodox Jews. Like any group of people, of course, it’s a bad idea to generalize. There are a wide range of opinions among non-Orthodox Jews regarding Orthodox Jews. Some people don’t respect the Orthodox at all, while others hold a deep respect for them. I’m sure every flavor along the spectrum in between those two extremes is represented as well.

I would say that, for many, Orthodox Jews are viewed as an anachronism, like the Amish. We respect that they want to live their lives that way, but we don’t want to live our lives that way, and we don’t like it when they try to force their views on us. I’d say the more they treat us with respect, the more we’re inclined to treat them with respect. Respect is, after all, a two-way street.

What does it mean when your mezuzah falls?
If your mezuzah falls onto the ground, it means you didn’t affix it properly to your doorpost. Seriously, there is no magic here. It is not a sign of anything bad. Pick it up, kiss it if you like, and affix to the doorpost more firmly. No worries.

What happens if a person dies during the Days of Awe?
The Days of Awe are the 10 days between, and including, Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur. Under Jewish law, we don’t observe shiva (the seven days of mourning) and we don’t bury people during holidays. This includes the week of Pesach (Passover) as well, which affected me when my father, alav hashalom, died two days before Pesach.

You should always consult with a rabbi in a case like this, but if a person dies during the Days of Awe, I would suspect that the burial would take place as soon as possible after Yom Kippur ends, and shiva would start then.

What is the meaning of challah?
Challah is a special braided bread we eat on Shabbat. The practice goes back to the days of the original mishkan, the tent we carried with us in the desert, which housed the Ark of the Covenant, and had within it tables on which bread would be placed.

Unlike in Christian ceremonies, in which bread or wafers symbolize, or “become” the flesh of Jesus, challah in Jewish ritual is just bread.

What to do at a shiva minyan if you don’t read Hebrew
Having just attended a Sikh funeral this week, I know what it feels like to be at a service and to not understand the language being used. Some Hebrew prayer books contain a transliteration, which shows you how to pronounce all the Hebrew, using English letters. However, even lifelong Jews can have trouble reading a transliteration out loud if it is a prayer with which they are unfamiliar.

Therefore, if you’re not comfortable reading Hebrew and you don’t know the prayers, I would suggest you listen respectfully, and stand up and sit down when others around you do so. You do not need to genuflect, bow, or kneel at any time.

If you’re lucky, some of the service will be in English. The amount of Hebrew used will vary depending on the practices of that community, the leader, and the preferences of the family that is in mourning.

Why doesn’t my Orthodox colleague wash her hands?
If your Orhtodox colleague doesn’t wash her hands, it means she has poor hygiene. There is nothing, to my knowledge, in halacha (Jewish law) or Orthodox practice that would prevent an Orthodox Jew from washing his or her hands when appropriate, such as after using the restroom or when their hands are dirty.

In fact, Orthodox practice requires one to wash one’s hands on some occasions when secular people may not wash their hands, such as before eating a meal with bread, and upon leaving a cemetery.

Keep those questions coming!
I would love to answer more of your questions, so feel free to ask some in the comments section below, or just keep coming here via those interesting search terms.

In Memory of Mark Edw. West

2011-11-28T10:03:00.000-08:00

By Susan Esther Barnes

Our dear friend, Mark West, died on Sunday evening, after a long and valiant battle with cancer. His mother asked us to post memories of him on Facebook, and below is what I wrote:

“When I think about Mark, what always springs to mind is movement. Whether it was him always opening a door behind us when we were playing Dungeons and Dragons, or the way his whole body moved when he told stories or laughed - not just his face was animated, but his whole torso, plus his arms and legs - it was always about movement. He was like a meteor, a shooting star, on the move, full of brilliant light, and then gone way too soon.”

In his honor, below is Edna St. Vincent Millay’s 1928 poem, “Dirge with Music.”

I am not resigned to the shutting away of
loving hearts in the hard ground.
So it is, and so it will be, for so it has been, time out of mind:

Into the darkness they go, the wise and the lovely. Crowned
With lilies and with laurel they go; but I am not resigned.
Lovers and thinkers, into the earth with you.
Be one with the dull, the indiscriminate dust.
A fragment of what you felt, of what you knew,
A formula, a phrase remains, — but the best is lost.

The answers quick & keen, the honest look,
the laughter, the love,
They are gone. They have gone to feed the roses.
Elegant and curled
Is the blossom. Fragrant is the blossom. I know.
But I do not approve.
More precious was the light in your eyes than
all the roses in the world.

Down, down, down into the darkness of the grave
Gently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind;
Quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave.
I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned.

Exile vs. Redemption

2011-11-22T19:21:00.001-08:00

By Susan Esther Barnes

Last week I attended a fascinating lecture at the Osher Marin JCC by Rabbi Dr. Donniel Hartman of the Shalom Hartman Institute in Jerusalem. The lecture, and the excellent Q&A afterward, covered a broad area. Below is a summary of his main theme, on exile and redemption. I hope to write about additional topics from the evening later.

Rabbi Hartman explained that, for about 2,000 years, Jews looked at the world through two lenses: exile and redemption.

After the destruction of the second Temple in Jerusalem, Jews dispersed throughout the world, and lived in exile. No matter what country we lived in, we were a small minority, subject to the whims of the leaders of whatever country we inhabited. We could only live in certain areas and hold certain jobs, sometimes we had to wear certain identifying badges or clothing, and at any time we could be killed. We were without power.

During those 2,000 years, we believed that our exile would end during the time of the Moshiach (messiah), so at the end of exile there would be redemption. Redemption meant perfection, with no more sickness, war, or suffering. In the time of redemption, everything would be fine.

When Israel became a country, Rabbi Hartman says, Jews continued to see the world through the same two lenses.

Some say our exile is over. We were able to gather in our own land, we have power over our own lives, so therefore, redemption has come. Everything is perfect, these people say, and anyone who criticizes Israel is either uninformed, or a traitor. This is all they see.

Others say we are still in exile. Israel is surrounded by enemies. We could still be attacked at any moment, and in fact, rockets continue to fall in Israel on a regular basis. We don’t have the time, these people say, to worry about things like morality when what we need to focus on right now is survival. Redemption has not come, so therefore we are still in exile. This is all they see.

Rabbi Hartman suggests that we need to recognize that the Jews in Israel are no longer in exile. They have power, and they are home. The Jews in North America are not in exile, either. We also have power, and we also are home. However, things are not perfect, and we have not found redemption, either.

We need to find a new lense through which to view the world – one that is neither exile, nor redemption – in order to focus on reality.

Germs and Words Circling the Bed

2011-11-17T21:28:00.000-08:00

By Susan Esther Barnes

This is a conversation I had with my husband last night:

Me: I can't believe I haven't caught the cold you had last week.

Him: Me, either.

Me: I don't know how many times I woke up during the night to find you breathing your germs right in my face.

Him: That wouldn't be a problem if you stayed on your side of the bed.

Me: There are two cats, plus me, on my side, but only one of you. We should get three-fourths of the bed. You should feel lucky for what you get.

Him: I don't think so.

Me: Do you think we should trade in our queen bed for a king so we'll have more room?

Him: No, we don't need a king. I don't feel like we're too crowded.

Me: Ok. I still feel lucky I didn't catch your cold, with you breathing on me like that.

Him: That wouldn't be a problem if you stayed on your side of the bed.

Gotta love that man.

"Three Ways to Prepare for Christmas - If You're Jewish" at TC Jewfolk

2011-11-16T08:30:00.000-08:00

Read my latest post on TC Jewfolk: Three Ways to Prepare for Christmas - If You're Jewish.

What Frequent Attendance at Services Says About You

2011-11-14T18:00:00.000-08:00

By Susan Esther Barnes

Fellow blogger Heshy Fried recently posted something titled, “Are You Just a Jew on Shabbos?”

Setting aside the grammatical error – the title seems to ask whether you are also something other than a Jew on Shabbat (such as, for instance, an American or a mother), from the context of the post it is clear he meant to ask whether you are Jewish only on Shabbat, and not during the rest of the week.

It’s a fair question. If you only go to Shabbat services and do nothing else Jewish during the week, then, I suppose, you are, to his way of thinking, a Jew only on Shabbat. However, the post goes on to talk only about attending services during the week, as if attending services is the only way to be Jewish.

Look, I’m a big fan of synagogue services, for many reasons. They bring people together. They help build community. There are some prayers, like the Mourner’s Kaddish, that we only say when we have at least 9 other Jews with us, and the synagogue is a convenient place to gather those people. Rabbis are professional teachers, and through their sermons they can help us discover insights we might never find alone. The list goes on.

However, to imply that going to services is the only way to be Jewish is way off base. The majority of Jewish ritual practice has traditionally taken place in the home. Chanukkah is celebrated as we light candles at home. Pesach (Passover) is celebrated with a ritual meal and the telling of the Exodus story at home. Shabbat candles are lit at home every week. Sukkot are built, eaten in, and slept in at home.

Even prayers are often said at home, or wherever we happen to be. There are morning and evening prayers. There are prayers over food before and after we eat. There are prayers for when we go to the bathroom, when we see a rainbow, when we encounter someone we haven’t seen in a long time, etc.

There are all sorts of things we are commanded to do throughout the day, no matter where we are. Don’t place a stumbling block before the blind. Be kind to the widow and orphan. Don’t say hurtful things. There are, literally, hundreds of mitzvot, most – I would argue all – of which do not require one’s presence in a synagogue.

There are people who attend synagogue frequently because it is a commandment to say certain prayers that require a minyan. Some attend frequently because it brings them closer to God. Some attend frequently for the feeling of community they get. Some attend frequently but don’t believe in God, or they are unsure of God.

Different people attend services for different reasons. So what does frequent attendance at services say about you? It says you attend services frequently. That is all. To read any more into it would be a mistake. Nobody knows your reasons unless you talk with them about it, and even then they may not truly understand.

Attendance at services does not equal being Jewish. If that were all there were to Judaism, what a poor, sad bunch we would be. Being Jewish includes many, many things, and God willing, we will all spend our lives exploring the possibilities, without judging others based on one small piece of it, such as whether they show up at the synagogue during the week.

Haveil Havalim #337

2011-11-13T09:25:00.000-08:00

Founded by Soccer Dad, Haveil Havalim is a carnival of Jewish blogs -- a weekly collection of Jewish and Israeli blog highlights, tidbits and points of interest collected from blogs all around the world. It's hosted by different bloggers each week and coordinated by Jack.

We had a little glitch this week with submissions not reaching me properly. Jack helped by providing me with a workaround, but if you sent in something and you don't see it here, most likely it was an oversight due to the system issue. Also, I didn't get any submissions for the end of the week, so if you sent in something on Thursday or Friday and you don't see it here, it's nothing personal. Please submit it again for the next HH.

Opinions expressed in the posts linked below are those of the respective bloggers and not necessarily endorsed by me.

We Need More Hosts!
Hosting the Blog Carnival is easy. Just contact Jack through the Blog Carnival website here, and tell him what day you can host. You will receive links to posts as they are submitted through the week. You can read them as they come in, and build your Blog Carnival post over time, or do it all at once - whatever works for you. Or, if you don't have time to read all the links, at the end of the week the Carnival will send you an email with HTML you can copy and paste that puts together the whole post for you with one easy cut and paste. So please host - we need you, and it will build traffic to your terrific blog!

Judaism:
Mordechai Torczyner writes about a recent visit to his shul by England's Chief Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks and intellectual learning vs. inspiration in To Educate or to Inspire? posted at The Rebbetzin's Husband.

Jacob Richman presents Good News from Israel: New: Learn Hebrew Chanukah Video posted at Good News from Israel.

Yehoishophot Oliver presents Modeh Ani: Essence facing Essence posted at A Chassidishe farbrengen.

Antisemitism:
Sharon A says incitement to hate is growing, and provides examples,in Incitement to Terror « The Real Jerusalem Streets posted at The Real Jerusalem Streets's Blog.

Gail Rubin J.D. writes about a recent event at U.C. Davis in UC Davis Jewish Studies Program Presents the Anti-Israel Narrative and Censors Questions posted at Pro-Israel Bay Bloggers.

Israel:
Harry treats us to an amusing - in some ways, but not in others - only-in-Israel story in The Israeli version of ‘the dog ate my homework’ posted at Israelity.

Sharon A uses photos to show us one way the Jerusalem landscape is changing in Meet you at Mashbir « The Real Jerusalem Streets posted at The Real Jerusalem Streets's Blog.

What do LBGQT interests have to do with how Palestinians are treated? Harry explains in A pink light unto nations or a ‘pink wash’? posted at Israelity.

Zman Biur has some good news about driving in Israel in Roadkill myths IV: End-of-2010 update posted at Biur Chametz.

Batya writes about the uniquely Israeli experience of sharing rides in B"H, Thank G-d, Great People! posted at me-ander.

Harry presents >Train construction ahead posted at Israelity.

Julie presents Jerusalem Playground Reviews -- Agenda and Parameters posted at >Walkable Jerusalem.

Julie writes a review of a park in Gan Gidon (Gideon Park), Baka -- Jerusalem Playground Review #3 posted at Walkable Jerusalem.

Batya presents The Rich Strike and The Poor Suffer posted at Shiloh Musings.

Kashrut:
Jay3fer reacts to an ad that mentions "kosher style" food in Cranky Complaints-Lady Cooks Kosher-Style posted at Adventures in Mama-Land.

Culture:
Mrs. S. presents Heblish: The Everywhere You Look Edition posted at Our Shiputzim: A Work In Progress.

I wonder, What Would You Like to Have Happen When You Die? posted at To Kiss a Mezuzah.

Rutimizrachi encourages us to treat eachother kindly in One small kindness. And another. And another... posted at Ki Yachol Nuchal!.

Mordechai Torczyner gives some teaching tips in Rabbinics 101: How to teach a class posted at The Rebbetzin's Husband.

Batya shares some photos and commentary on clowning in Clowning Around and A לך לך Lech Lecha Lesson posted at me-ander.

Batya presents Who's Having The Last Laugh? Matriarch Sarah and The Modern State of Israel posted at Shiloh Musings.

Food Reviews:
Daniela presents Elite's "Chocolate Para" Kids Cake posted at Isreview.

Daniela presents Lipton's Pyramid Jasmine Green Tea posted at Isreview.

Daniela presents Elite's Peanut Butter flavored Pesek Zman posted at Isreview.

How you can participate:
You may submit your blog post for the next edition of Haveil Havalim by using our carnival submission form. Past posts and future hosts can be found on our blog carnival index page. Also, please sign up to host one or more future editions. It's fun and easy, and will be much appreciated!

What Would You Like to Have Happen After You Die?

2011-11-10T18:00:00.000-08:00

By Susan Esther Barnes

There is abundant speculation about what happens to you after you die. Will there be a spirit or consciousness (or something) that lives on after you die, or not? If so, what will it be like? Do Heaven or Hell exist? What about Purgatory? If you are going to be resurrected after the Moshiach (Messiah) comes, what does your spirit do in the time between death and the world-to-come?

Some people think they will be reincarnated as animals, others think they will be reincarnated as people. Some believe you get a trip straight to either Heaven or Hell, and some think there is an intermediate place, called Purgatory or something else, where at least some people will stop first before heading one way or the other.

Some, such as the ancient Egyptians, believed it was important to entomb dead people with food and other supplies they would need in the afterlife. It is commonly understood that Muslims believe martyrs will get 72 virgins, which I never understood. First, you would need a body to “enjoy” the virgins, and second, once you had sex with them, they wouldn’t be virgins any more, so what is the point?

Of course, there is no way for us to answer these questions while we’re alive. We won’t find out until we die. There are so many diverse opinions, I have often wondered, “What if what happens to you after you die is whatever you believe will happen?” If you believe death is the end of your consciousness, then it is. If you think you’re going to Hell, then you are. If you think you will be reincarnated, that is what happens to you.

So, if you were in charge of creating your own afterlife, what would you want it to be like? Given the choice, what would you want to have happen?

I have a hard time imagining a Heaven where everything is perfect all the time. It seems to me that would get boring after a while. Maybe it’s just a lack of imagination on my part, but I don’t consider it to be a goal toward which I want to strive.

I hope that after I die I will get to stick around at least long enough to attend my funeral and burial. I’m curious to know what people would say about me.

Our chevra kadisha recently spoke about experiences in which people felt the spirit of those who had died were still with them. One woman talked about how she keeps the spirits of her dead loved ones close to her. I have often wondered whether that is fair to the dead people. If we keep them with us, are we delaying them from being free to go on to whatever they are supposed to be doing next? Does it not matter because time isn’t the same after you are dead, and we will be joining them in death relatively soon, anyway?

It is my fond hope that, after I die, God will answer my questions, although I suspect that what I consider to be burning questions now may not matter to me at all once I am dead. Who shot JFK, from where, and how? What would have happened if Gore had won the Presidency instead of Bush? When was the Torah first written down, how much of the stories in it really happened as they were written, and how did that horrible passage about not lying down with a man as one would with a woman get in there? These are some of the things I would like to know.

Once my curiosity is satisfied, however, I’m not really interested in just hanging out and partying. I hope I am able to come back to earth in a new body, and that I’m given a chance to try again. I have made a lot of mistakes in this life, and I expect to make even more. I keep learning as I go, but there is so much more to learn, I know this lifetime will not provide me with all the wisdom I would like to gain.

So, I guess my wish for an afterlife would be this: I would like to stick around the earth for at least a short while, visiting my body, my family, and my friends, and have a chance to attend my funeral and burial. Afterward, I’d like to have at least my burning questions answered. Then, I’d like to have a chance to come back to earth, where I would be allowed to continue to struggle, learn, and grow.

What would you like to have happen to you?

Review of Meir Shalev's New Book at TC Jewfolk

2011-11-03T08:56:00.000-07:00

Read my review of Meir Shalev's fun new family memoir at Meir Shalev Doesn’t Disappoint With His Latest Book, “My Russian Grandmother and Her American Vacuum Cleaner” posted at TC Jewfolk.

Does it Matter That You’re Performing Mitzvot if You Haven’t Converted Yet?

2011-10-28T11:00:00.000-07:00

By Susan Esther Barnes

This post was inspired by Skylar Curtis’s Why We’re Probably Crazy After All posted on her blog You’re Not Crazy, and the comments that follow it.

To be clear, I’d like to say that I have never met Skylar, which I am sure is my loss. I have been following her blog for the past year or so, and from what I have seen there, Skylar appears to be an intelligent person who is sincerely and diligently seeking an Orthodox conversion despite the many obstacles she has encountered.

In no way should this post be taken as an opinion about Skylar. This isn’t about her. It’s about a way of thinking that I find disturbing. I don’t know Skylar, I don’t speak for Skylar, and I am not qualified to render an opinion regarding to what extent she may or may not think along the lines I am about to describe. For all I know, she may, in fact, completely disagree with the following line of thought.

---------------------------

The post referenced above starts, “Pre-conversion, it is very frustrating to feel that your actions (your mitzvot) don’t matter. After all, you’re not Jewish. You’re not required to do anything.”

Subsequently, it goes on to list various mitzvot and other actions, such as, “That it will matter that you spent thousands of dollars and who knows how many hours on seforim,” “That it will matter that you defended Jews and Israel,” “That your Jewish knowledge will finally be more than useful Jeopardy answers,” and “That it will matter that you have suffered anti-Semitism.”

What disturbes me about this post is it implies that performing mitzvot doesn’t matter if one is not Jewish, as if the mitzvot have no intrinsic value of their own.

Yes, the mitzvot are commandments that only Jews are required to do. However, if they don’t matter in any way except that they are things Jews are commanded to do, if they have no intrinsic value in and of themselves, then what that means is that God just commanded us to do a bunch of random stuff for no reason other than to allow us to follow God’s commands (and, perhaps, to reap from God some sort of reward for doing them, much like a dog gets a treat for rolling over at its master’s command).

I don’t believe God wants us to do mitzvot just to prove we’re willing to follow meaningless, random commandments. I don’t think God treats us like dogs doing tricks. I believe God gave us the commandments because God knows that when we perform the commandments, especially when we do them in a thoughtful and meaningful way, we improve our lives and the lives of those around us. I believe God gave us the commandments in order to help us to be a “light unto the nations,” so we could, through our example, suggest to the world that there may be value in doing certain things and behaving in certain ways.

For instance, when I spend money and time on seforim (books in general, or, more specifically, books about Jewish thought and scripture), it matters because I gain knowledge and understanding. When I follow the laws of kashrut, it matters because I learn about the ingredients of the foods I am eating, and I pay more attention to what I am putting into my body. When I follow the mitzvot regarding lashon hara (for instance, spreading rumors or unkind stories of others), I improve my relationships with other people.

Whether or not one is Jewish, it appears self-evident to me why it would matter that a person would defend Jews and Israel, or why it would matter that one has experienced anti-semitism, or any other kind of bigotry or discrimination.

If one can perform a host of mitzvot and not feel that any of them matter, that they have no value and have provided no benefit to themselves or anyone else, then I fail to see why that person would want to convert to Judaism. Why take on the burden of commandments that don’t matter except insofar as they allow you to do random, otherwise meaningless things that Jews are commanded to do?

This view of the commandments is expressed explicitly by commenter Mikeage, who wrote, “The purpose of mitzvos is to do them _because_ they are commanded; hence the term ‘commandment’. Period.”

I believe that to take this view is to greatly underestimate the transformative power of the mitzvot. It devalues both the mitzvot themselves and Judaism in general. We may do mitzvot because we are commanded to do them, whether or not we understand their benefit, but that does not mean they have no benefit beyond some unknown reward we may get from God later on. God forbid.

Applying to Learn About Jewish End of Life Care

2011-10-26T18:00:00.000-07:00

By Susan Esther Barnes

I recently filled out the application to attend the training for “Kol Haneshema: Jewish End of Life Care,” given by the Bay Area Jewish Healing Center.

This isn’t a class you can take on a whim. It’s 40 hours of intensive training, and to participate you have to fill out a four-page-long application. Then, if your application passes muster, you get an interview. It’s only after the interview that you find out whether you’re going to get into the class.

I can understand why they do all the screening. I’m sure the last thing they need is people of the wrong temperament barreling into the Jewish Home and making the residents feel uncomfortable. Also, I suppose they don’t want to waste their time and effort training people who aren’t going to follow through once the class is over to actually visit people who are elderly and/or dying.

I found the application to be quite interesting, although one question struck me as a bit odd. It asks whether the applicant has ever attended a funeral. When I saw that I thought, “Everyone who’s applying is an adult, and most of us are probably at least in our 30’s or 40’s, so of course we’ve all attended a funeral at some point, right?”

It turns out I was wrong. I recently visited my 83-year-old mother, who informed me she has never been to a funeral. Go figure.

I was pleased to find I’ve already done most of the stuff they ask about in the application. Yes, I have been to a funeral. Several, in fact. Yes, I have spent time with someone who was very sick and/or dying. Yes, I have seen (even washed!) a dead body.

The application also asked questions that took some thought to answer, such as the effect that my experiences with serious illness have had on me, what kinds of situations or patients I think I’ll have the most difficulty working with, and why I’ve chosen this kind of volunteer work over others that are available.

I must have answered at least some of the questions right, since I have an interview scheduled on December 1, with the fabulous Rabbi Elliot Kukla. Stay tuned for what comes next.

Visiting the Sick: Lesser Standing and Greater Stature

2011-10-19T20:51:00.000-07:00

By Susan Esther Barnes

Every year, my synagogue’s chevra kadisha – the group of people who visits the sick, comforts mourners, etc., receives additional training. These classes are a good way to bring new members of the group up to speed, as well as to give current members additional information.

In a recent class, we discussed a quote from Talmud Bavli, Nedarim 39b, which says, “’The mitzvah of visiting the sick has no limit.’ With regard to what does it have ‘no limit?’ Abaye said, ‘Even an individual of greater standing should visit someone of lesser stature.’”

What does this interpretation of Abaye mean? I’m pretty sure he’s not saying people of high standing should visit short people. It seems to mean that people in high positions in society should visit the sick, even if it means visiting someone lower in the hierarchy.

Setting aside that I’m not a big fan of hierarchies, the idea that those higher up should visit others lower down seems like a no-brainer to me. Of course, everyone, on up to the King or President, should engage in the mitzvah of visiting the sick.

As with anyone else, of course, there is a right way and a wrong way to do it. I once knew a woman who was hospitalized with pneumonia. When her boss walked into her hospital room, she thought, “How nice it is that she came to visit me here.”

Then the boss took out a pile of paperwork for the hospitalized woman to work on, and her husband quickly kicked the boss out of the room and told her not to come back. It’s no mitzvah if the “visit” is to increase the patient’s workload, rather than to provide comfort.

I find myself thinking what a good thing it was that this woman’s husband was present to throw the boss out. Why would the Talmud encourage people of greater stature to visit those beneath them, without any further instruction?

One of the problems facing people in the hospital is they may feel a loss of power. They are confined to a room for most, if not all, of the day and night, for the most part they don’t get to pick what they wear or eat, and they have little to no control over who walks into their room, or when.

Shouldn’t the Talmud remind the person visiting to keep in mind the balance of power, so the boss doesn’t forget that this poor hapless employee may not feel they are able to kick the boss out even if they’re feeling tired, or put-upon in some way? Shouldn’t the Talmud say that if a boss is visiting a worker, they should not pressure them to come back to work before they are ready?

Maybe the Talmud assumes that the person of lesser stature will be so flattered to get a visit from someone higher up that there is no need to worry about these things, but I just don’t think that is a reasonable position to take.

I also find it interesting that the Talmud doesn’t seem to say anything about there being an obligation for those of us who are farther down on the social ladder to visit those sick people who are farther up.

I understand there are other places in the Talmud in which it discourages us from appearing to be trying to curry favor with those in the upper classes. I can certainly see how this could be a concern.

There is a rabbi who used to work at our synagogue, and her husband, also a rabbi, still works there. I have taken classes from this woman, as well as from her husband, her father (yet another rabbi) and her mother. One could argue they are all of “higher stature” than me.

When this woman’s grandmother died, I wanted to attend the shiva minyan, but I wondered how it would look. Would the family, or others, think I was just there to “brown nose” with higher-ups, or would they see my visit as sincere?

I wrestled with the question for a while, and I could see how the same issue would come up for me if, God forbid, anyone in their family were hospitalized and I needed to decide whether to visit them. In the end, I decided to go to the shiva, concluding that since God and I knew the visit was sincere, I shouldn’t be overly concerned about what others might think.

Still, I can’t help but wonder, why is it that the Talmud, which addresses so many issues, does not address this one? Why does Abaye mention visiting people of lesser stature, but not visiting people of greater stature?

Does this mean Abaye took for granted that those of us of lesser stature will visit those further up, or does it mean he doesn’t think it is necessary or desirable for us to do so?

If any of you have references to any place that the Talmud addresses these questions, I’d appreciate it if you could let me know.

Were High Holy Day Services Boring? Next Year, Try This (at TCJewfolk)

2011-10-19T08:43:00.000-07:00

Learn how you can make your High Holiday Services deep and meaningful by reading my post Were High Holy Day Services Boring? Next Year, Try This at TCJewfolk.

22 Things I've Never Done

2011-10-17T18:00:00.000-07:00

By Susan Esther Barnes

This post was inspired by Mama’s Losin’ It, who got it from Pioneer Woman.

I am 47 years old.

And I’ve never:

1. Questioned whether God exists.

2. Eaten tuna fish.

3. Met either of my grandfathers.

4. Met a melon I didn’t like.

5. Been happier with my life than I am now.

6. Been baptized.

7. Changed a diaper.

8. Thrown up on an amusement park ride.

9. Used my EpiPen on myself.

10. Felt sorry my parents chose not to surgically correct my deformity.

11. Donated blood.

12. Learned how to whistle.

13. Visited either of the countries where my parents were born.

14. Cut down a tree.

15. Understood why nothing can travel faster than the speed of light.

16. Written a song.

17. Worn a miniskirt.

18. Voted against marriage equality.

19. Gotten a traffic ticket.

20. Broken a bone in my body.

21. Gone to bed hungry.

22. Regretted hugging anyone.

Haveil Havalim #334 - the Sukkot Edition

2011-10-16T06:00:00.000-07:00

Founded by Soccer Dad, Haveil Havalim is a carnival of Jewish blogs -- a weekly collection of Jewish and Israeli blog highlights, tidbits and points of interest collected from blogs all around the world. It's hosted by different bloggers each week and coordinated by Jack.

As a general rule, I don't post more than three submissions by the same person, so if you sent in more and you don't see them here, that's why. Opinions expressed in the posts linked below are those of the respective bloggers and not necessarily endorsed by me.

We Need More Hosts!
Hosting the Blog Carnival is easy. Just contact Jack through the Blog Carnival website here, and tell him what day you can host. You will receive links to posts as they are submitted through the week. You can read them as they come in, and build your Blog Carnival post over time, or do it all at once - whatever works for you. Or, if you don't have time to read all the links, at the end of the week the Carnival will send you an email with HTML you can copy and paste that puts together the whole post for you with one easy cut and paste. So please host - we need you, and it will build traffic to your terrific blog!

Now, on with the submissions! Sukkot - the festival of the booths - started this week, and many people start to build their sukkah right after Yom Kippur, so I added a special Sukkot section this week.

Sukkot:
Sukkah STL: A Contemporary Twist on Ancient Tradition posted at A/N Blog has photos of ten unique sukkot on display as part of a sukkah-building contest.

I present a photo essay of our efforts building one of the sukkot at our synagogue this year in Assembling the Synagoge Sukkah posted at To Kiss a Mezuzah.

Perry Block presents a cute, funny Sukkah story in The Year We Built the Sukkah posted at Nouveau Old, Formerly Cute.

Sharon A presents Sukkot photos from Israel in 10 Sukkot Favorites « The Real Jerusalem Streets posted at The Real Jerusalem Streets.

Jacob Richman offers several Sukkot resources in Educational Resources and 34 Cool Videos for Sukkot posted at Good News from Israel.

Judaism:
Rivkah Lambert Adler writes a heartwrenching story about what it's like to feel left out on the women's side of the mechitza in The Story of Yom Kippur and Me posted at Bat Aliyah.

Once you get past the typos, G.A. has written some interesting advice to the Orthodox in God's Sukkos Message to Orthodox Jewry posted at Dov Bear.

Friar Yid tells us how a comic book led him to think about observing shabbat in Baby Steps toward Shabbat posted at Friar Yid.

I have never written in a siddur, but Mordechai Torczyner suggests we might want to try it in Write in your siddur posted at The Rebbetzin's Husband.

Israel:
Joel Katz presents news and more news in Religion and State in Israel - October 10, 2011 (Section 1) and Religion and State in Israel - October 10, 2011 (Section 2) posted at Religion and State in Israel.

A new center which wishes to build community in Jerusalem is open, according to Esser Agaroth's post The Jerusalem Soul Center's Grand Opening! posted at Esser Agaroth.

Was it wrong for Israel to release the body of a Palestinian while Gilad Shalit is still being held captive? Batya says yes in Gilad Shalit, Jonathan Pollard, Biblical Yona and Our Responsibility as The Jewish Nation posted at Shiloh Musings.

Batya presents thoughts on the prisoner exchange for Gilad Shalit The Death Penalty for Terrorism Would Keep Us Safer posted at Shiloh Musings.

Esser Agaroth says Christians are practitioners of foreign worship, so they should not be welcomed in Judea, Samaria, or Binyamin, in A Post-Yom Kippur Message To "Right-Wing" Jewish Writers posted at Esser Agaroth.

Batya presents Arab Terrorism Endangers The Entire World posted at Shiloh Musings.

Culture:
Mordechai Torczyner presents an interesting look about the cultural challenges of synagogue fundraising in The Taking Shul: The Challenge of Shul Fundraising posted at The Rebbetzin's Husband.

Read my review of an interesting new book in Hoffman's "The Dovekeepers" a Fascinating Look at Four Women's Lives After the Second Temple's Destruction posted at TCJewfolk.

Food:
Yosef offers us a couple of kosher recipes in Baked Tilapia with Sweet Potato and Spinach Hash posted at This American Bite.

How you can participate:
You may submit your blog post for the next edition of Haveil Havalim by using our carnival submission form. Past posts and future hosts can be found on our blog carnival index page.

Words Matter

2011-10-12T18:00:00.000-07:00

By Susan Esther Barnes

I’m old enough to remember when people in wheelchairs were called crippled. Then the idea arose that there should be convenient parking spaces for people with mobility issues, but signs saying “Crippled Parking” didn’t sound palatable, so they went with “Disabled Parking.”

Then there was a big push to stop talking about “Disabled” and to say instead, “Differently Abled.” Somewhere in there the word “Handicapped” became popular, and now we mostly just have blue paint and signs with the internationally recognized depiction of a person in a wheelchair. I guess the lobby for people with canes, walkers, and prosthetic legs was asleep at the switch the day that decision was made.

This odyssey of a condition in search of an acceptable descriptive word is one category of what has come to be known as “political correctness” or “being PC.”

Another form of political correctness is the disapproval of the way a word is used. For example, the word “gay” has come to mean “homosexual.” In the online video games I play, the word “gay” used to be used frequently as an insult, in reference to something of which the speaker disapproved. The implication was that homosexuals are not okay, so therefore calling something “gay” meant that thing also was not okay.

Because I don’t agree that gay people are not okay, I used to speak up when the word “gay” was used in this way. Sometimes I received an apology, but more often I received a response along the lines of, “You get offended too easily, and I don’t have to change what I say. You are the one with a problem,” or “I’m not going to let you PC police take over the world.”

I’m happy to say that the people I play with online now no longer use the word “gay” in this way, but I know it is still used this way in other venues, and there is still a backlash when people encounter what they perceive as overzealousness in the pursuit of political correctness.

Sometimes people misuse a word in order to emphasize a point. See, for example, this article and related comments,in which Johnny Depp compares photo shoots to being raped, and later apologizes for his poor choice or words. Many commenters say they don’t think the actor should have had to apologize; they think he shouldn’t have caved in to political correctness.

This use of the word “rape” is one way some words are used because of their power to shock or to convey a strong message. The trouble is that, in this world in which the media, celebrities, advertisers and others are constantly fighting for our attention, formerly powerful words are overused. As a result, they can lose their impact or even their original meaning.

Words whose impact is being diminished by inappropriate uses include words important to Jews and Zionists, such as, “Hitler,” “Nazi,” and “apartheid,” along with a whole host of other words which are important to the public at large. The more these words are overused and misused, the more they lose their meaning.

I had a friend once who used to swear like a sailor. Every sentence was punctuated by words that fifty years ago would never be used in polite company. The trouble was, when the time came that she truly wanted to emphasize something, she couldn’t do it. She had no powerful words left. They had all been devalued to the point that what would be shocking in other circumstances was, coming from her mouth, routine.

Although I do have some concern that we do, at times, go too far in trying to moderate the speech of others, that concern is outweighed by my fear that our language is being diminished by the incorrect use of words and the overuse of words meant to grab attention.

Like the story of the boy who cried, “Wolf,” I fear the day will come when the word we mean really is “rape,” or “Nazi,” or “apartheid,” but we will not be heard because these words have been so overused that they have become meaningless. I am concerned that if, one day, an issue needs our dire attention, it will be lost in the cacophony of bold headlines and exclamation points, and we will not notice it until it is too late.

So, at the risk of being overly “PC,” please, people, watch your language. Don’t use words that convey something other than what you truly mean. Don’t try to shock when shock is not necessary. Think about your words before you say them.

In the beginning, God created the world with words, and it is said that the world can be destroyed with words as well. Words matter.

Assembling the Synagogue Sukkah

2011-10-09T11:06:00.000-07:00

By Susan Esther Barnes

Above is a photo of the t-shirt I wore for to assemble the sukkah at our synagogue this morning. Actually, we assembled two of them. Below is a photo essay of the big one we assembled in the back courtyard. We also assembled a much smaller one in the front.

This is the third year I have helped to assemble the synagogue sukkot, and it's a lot of fun.

First, we arrived at 6 am to start assembly. The first task was to lay out all the pieces. It was still dark outside, so Marc brought his own lights to wear!

Next, we put together the frame:

Then, we raised the frame and secured the pieces together:

Marc was able to set aside his lights as the sun rose higher:

We attached the lattice:

More lattice. My apologies for getting the sun in the corner of the photo.

We're done, and the sukkah is ready for the palm fronds to be added on top and for the kids to add their decorations!

I hope to take a couple more pictures at our congregational dinner in the sukkah on Friday so you can see it with the palm fronds and decorations.

Review of "The Dovekeepers" at TCJewfolk

2011-10-09T10:42:00.000-07:00

Looking for something interesting to read? See my review of Alice Hoffman's new book The Dovekeepers at TCJewfolk for one good option.

Having Your Picture Taken is Nothing Like Being Raped

2011-10-05T09:47:00.000-07:00

By Susan Esther Barnes

According to CNN,Vanity Fair recently interviewed Johnny Depp, who compared having his picture taken to being raped. Below is the quote:

“It is obvious that being photographed all the time hasn't gotten any easier for the actor. ‘You just feel like you’re being raped somehow. Raped. The whole thing. It feels like a kind of weird—just weird, man,’ Depp says of getting his photo snapped. 'Whenever you have a photo shoot or something like that, it’s like —- you just feel dumb. It’s just so stupid.'"

Let me clear this up for you, Johnny, since you’re so gravely misinformed.

Being raped isn’t like standing around in a nice warm room with makeup artists and hairstylists helping you look good while a photographer snaps your picture and tells you how talented you are. It isn’t like being in a place where you can reach for a bottle of water or your cell phone on a whim. When you’re being raped, nobody listens to you when you say, “No, stop, I don’t want to do this.”

It isn’t just weird. It doesn’t just feel dumb or stupid.

Being raped is more like thinking your life if going along like normal, and then suddenly, and without warning, knowing your life is about to be irrevocably changed for the worse. It’s about being thrown onto the cold, unforgiving ground by someone bigger and stronger than you. It’s about there being nobody, nobody at all, who can possibly help you.

Being raped is realizing, for the first time in your life, that you have absolutely no control whatsoever over what is happening to you and your body. It is knowing that no matter what you say or do, you cannot stop what is happening to you. It is about having your clothing and your dignity literally, and I do mean literally, stripped away from you by a complete and utter stranger.

Being raped is painful, mentally and physically. It is, above all else, a brutal act of violence. Being raped is not knowing whether you will live through the next hour. It is not knowing whether you will ever see your family and friends again. It is not knowing whether your dead body might be dumped someplace where nobody will ever find it.

Being raped is knowing, even if you survive, that you may never get over it. It is fearing you may have contracted a deadly disease. It is being scared that you may become pregnant from the seed of this monster who has attacked you. It is suspecting you may never be able to have a normal relationship with a man ever again. It is the complete loss of your ability to ever walk down a street alone again without fear.

Being raped means sitting in a hospital room, feeling violated all over again, as you describe the incident to the doctors and the police. It is spreading your legs to yet another stranger so they can gather evidence from within your body.

It is the beginning of years of struggle, of trying to make sense of how such a thing could have happened to you, of blaming yourself for what was, without a doubt, not your fault. It is about looking into the eyes of others and seeing their pity. It may mean reliving the incident over and over again, for lawyers, and in front of the public for a judge and jury.

Being raped is the end of life as you knew it, and the beginning of a life you never asked for.

So no, Johnny, I’m sorry, being photographed is nothing like being raped. Get over it.

Your Questions Answered #5

2011-10-03T18:00:00.000-07:00

By Susan Esther Barnes

One of the fun things about getting website statistics for my blog is I get to see the search terms people use to get here. A lot of those search terms are questions. You have some great questions, and I think they deserve an answer. So here is the latest installment of “Your Questions Answered.”

How to Respond to Lashon Hara
Lashon hara means “evil tongue.” Sometimes it is referred to as gossip, but it is anything harmful one person may say about another. The best way to determine whether something is lashon hara is to ask, “Is it true? Is it fair? Is it necessary?” If the answer to any of these questions is no, then you should not say it.

If someone speaks lashon hara about you, the best thing to do is to speak with that person privately. Tell the person how their words have hurt you, and ask them not to do it again. Unfortunately, the problem with lashon hara is that once the words are in the public square, some people will continue to believe them even if the original source recants.

If someone starts to speak lashon hara to you, you should tell them you don’t want to listen to such things, and if they persist, walk away. If you are consistent in not listening to this kind of talk, people will eventually get the picture, and will stop coming to you with it.

Can I place a mezuzah on a coffin?
A mezuzah is properly placed on the doorpost of a person’s home. It belongs on buildings where people live, sleep and eat (some synagogues have a mezuzah on the door, but others don’t because nobody eats or sleeps there).

A coffin contains a dead person. The person inside is not living, and can no longer sleep or eat. Therefore, it is not appropriate to put a mezuzah on a coffin.

What does “building a fence around the Torah" mean?
In the Torah, there are 613 laws. It is important to observant Jewish people to follow as many of those laws as possible. Therefore, the rabbis instituted some extra rules in order to try to make sure that nobody breaks a Torah law by mistake.

Making up those extra laws is called “building a fence around the Torah,” because if you don’t cross the line of that extra rule (or fence) then you can’t get close enough to the edge of the law to break it.

One example is the line in the Torah that tells us not to “boil a kid in its mother’s milk.” In order to be safe, the rabbis tell us not to eat any meat or dairy together. And in order to make sure we don’t eat meat and dairy together by mistake, the rabbis made a bunch of other rules about having separate dishes and cooking utensils for meat and dairy, waiting a certain amount of time before eating dairy after a meat meal, etc. These extra rules are the metaphorical fences around the Torah.

When God calls, do we have an option?
Great question. God gave us free will, so we always have an option. God may call, but we may choose not to follow that call.

That said, sometimes we feel compelled to do something, and we do it, and it isn’t until later that we realize God was calling us to do that thing. In that case, we had an option, but we may not have known at the time that we had chosen to do God’s will.

Also, in my experience, God is persistent. When God calls softly and we resist, God calls a little more loudly. The longer we resist, the stronger God’s call becomes. God can make things uncomfortable for us when we don’t answer the call. So, although we have the option not to do God’s will, in the end we’ll have a better life if we follow the call when it comes.

Why don’t Reform Jews follow the commandments?
Although there are many levels of observance among Reform Jews, many Reform Jews follow many of the commandments. In fact, whether they know it or not, many people who are not Jewish also follow many of the commandments.

The main difference between observant Reform Jews and observant Orthodox Jews is that the Orthodox Jews follow halacha, which consists of many “fences around the Torah” as described above. If one looks at the 613 commandments in the Torah, one will not find many that an observant Orthodox Jew follows which an observant Reform Jew does not.

On the other hand, in the Reform Jewish world, people who are less observant are not looked down upon by those who are more observant. Rather, we recognize that we are all on our own Jewish path, and that every person must decide for themselves what that path looks like. In the end, all Jewish paths lead to the same place.

What is the point of being a Jew if you are not Orthodox?
The point of being a Jew if you are not Orthodox is the same as the point of being a Jew if you are Orthodox.

The point is to bring oneself closer to God. The point is to continue beautiful traditions that have been practiced for hundreds, even thousands, of years. The point is to follow God’s commandments to the best of one’s ability. The point is to live a spiritual and moral life. The point is to be part of a sacred community and to pass on valuable traditions and values to future generations. The point is to learn from the Torah and to try to incorporate its teachings into one’s life. The point is to do God’s will and to be a light unto the nations.

Keep those questions coming!
I would love to answer more of your questions, so feel free to ask some in the comments section below, or just keep coming here via interesting search terms.

10Q 2011 Day 5

2011-10-02T12:19:00.000-07:00

By Susan Esther Barnes

See an explanation of what 10Q is here.

Have you had any particularly spiritual experiences this past year? How has this experience affected you? "Spiritual" can be broadly defined to include secular spiritual experiences: artistic, cultural, and so forth.

I'd say my most spiritual experiences come during "Shabbat Unplugged," when a bunch of us gather in someone's home on Saturday night and we sing with Dan Nichols.

We mostly sing Jewish songs, but sometimes we sing other meaningful songs as well. The sound of the music is so sweet, and the sense of community is strong.

It is always easy for me to feel God, but I feel God even more strongly during Shabbat Unplugged.

10Q 2011 Day 2

2011-09-29T16:02:00.000-07:00

By Susan Esther Barnes

10Q is a website that sends you a question once a day for 10 days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. You answer the questions online, and can choose whether or not to share your answers.

The site stores your answers each year, so you can look back at your responses from each year, to see how you have grown and changed over time.

Below is the question for the second day this year, and my response.

Is there something that you wish you had done differently this past year? Alternatively, is there something you're especially proud of from this past year?

I wish I had seen my Dad once more before he died. I wish I'd had one last conversation with him in the hospital, when he knew he was dying. I wish I'd had one last chance to look him in the eye, to hold his hand, and to tell him I love him.

10Q 2011 Day 1

2011-09-28T09:21:00.000-07:00

By Susan Esther Barnes

10Q is a website that sends you a question once a day for 10 days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. You answer the questions online, and can choose whether or not to share your answers.

The site stores your answers each year, so you can look back at your responses from each year, to see how you have grown and changed over time.

Below is the question for the first day this year, and my response.

Describe a significant experience that has happened in the past year. How did it affect you? Are you grateful? Relieved? Resentful? Inspired?

In the past year, I performed taharah for the first time. This is the ritual in which we wash and dress a dead person, and place her in her coffin.

The biggest affect it has had on me is that it has made it easier for me to see life all around me. When I look at a tree now, I don't just see a trunk and branches and leaves. I see life. Life is everywhere, all around us, all the time. The earth is teeming with it.

I am both grateful for, and inspired by this experience, and plan to continue to do this mitzvah in the future.

Transgender Kids

2011-09-27T18:00:00.000-07:00

By Susan Esther Barnes

CNN recently published a story called Transgender kids: Painful quest to be who they are. It’s about kids who insist, at an early age, that they are the opposite gender from the gender of their anatomy. These aren’t kids with malformed or unusual anatomy – they are just boys who insist they are girls, or girls who refer to themselves as a boy.

As the article explains, on the one hand, there is anatomy, and on the other hand, there are cultural things attached to gender, such as clothing (skirts or pants), toys (dolls or trucks), color preferences (pink or blue), etc.

This article caught my attention for two reasons. First, I know a couple with four kids. Three of them identify with the gender that matches their anatomy, and one does not. I’m not going to use names here, to protect their privacy. The one child, who insists he is male, is known to his friends and schoolmates as male, and I’m certainly not going to “out” him.

This couple has had to navigate a unique path, as they try to accept reality at the same time that they try to support their transgender child’s feelings. At times, they have had to deal with people who have not been helpful, such as when one of the child’s siblings said to his friends, “He’s not a boy. He’s really a girl.” Fortunately, in this case the friends thought this was just normal sibling teasing, and they didn’t believe it.

Then, there are others that are too helpful. For instance, someone changed the transgender child’s medical records to read “male” instead of “female.” The child’s mother insisted they change it back. Unless and until the boy has surgery to become male anatomically, having “male” on his medical records could cause problems.

For instance, what if the child is rushed to the emergency room, and his medical records say “male” but he is anatomically a female? The hospital will think they have the wrong child, and won’t know whose parents to notify. Similarly, what if he goes to the school nurse complaining of abdominal pain, and they’re thinking appendicitis, when maybe it’s actually just cramping because of a first monthly cycle?

The other reason this story caught my eye is that, although I have always identified myself as a female, and have never wanted to be a male, I show a lot of male tendencies. In elementary school, I didn’t want to wear a dress. I started wearing pants as soon as I was allowed, and instead of playing with the girls, I played kickball with the boys.

In high school and college, at the annual Super Bowl party I attended, I went outside and played touch football with the boys while the girls stayed inside at halftime. I cared so little about fashion that I won “Most casually dressed” in my high school yearbook. I’ve been told I run like a guy, give directions like a guy, and even to this day I prefer video games that are mostly played by men.

So what differentiates me from transgender people? Why is it that my tendencies skew strongly toward the culturally male, yet I am confident in my identity as a female? To me, the difference feels like a razor’s edge. There but for the grace of God go I, and my heart aches for the struggle of those who feel they have somehow been assigned the wrong body.

At the end of the CNN piece a transgender kid named Mario is quoted as saying, “Just be you and be happy.” If only life were that simple.

Do Jews Believe in An Afterlife?

2011-09-21T18:00:00.000-07:00

By Susan Esther Barnes

Recently, someone asked me, “Jewish people don’t believe in life after death, right?” I can certainly see how someone would get that impression.

When I’m channel surfing, sometimes I come across Christian songs or programs, and they seem to talk a lot about the afterlife. It seems like they’re always admonishing you to accept Jesus and be good or you won’t get into heaven, or they’re looking forward to their reward in heaven, or, on occasion, they mention non-Christians or sinners going to Hell. It’s pretty clear they believe in an afterlife.

Jews, on the other hand, don’t talk about the afterlife much. I can’t tell you when was the last time I heard a sermon that even mentioned life after death (if ever), which is saying something, since I generally hear about three sermons a week (two in synagogue and one via podcast).

Like many subjects in Judaism, there are different opinions about what happens after we die. Some people think once you’re dead, that’s it. It’s over. Others think the spirit lives on in some form or other, and some believe we will be resurrected when Moshiach (the Messiah) comes.

Rather than focusing on the uncertain afterlife, most Jews instead focus on the current world. It is our job in this world to perform God’s mitzvot (commandments), and to try to make this world a better place. We’ll worry about what happens in the afterlife, if any, if and when we get there.

Part of the uncertainty arises because the Sefer Torah, or the Five Books of Moses, doesn’t have much to say on the subject. It does mention Sheol a few times, which seems to be a pit or underground place, and it generally refers to someone going “down to Sheol,” but Sheol isn’t described in any detail.

According to Heaven and Hell in Jewish Tradition posted at MyJewishLearning.com, Ecclesiastes and Job “insist that all of the dead go down to Sheol, whether good or evil,” so it isn’t like the Christian version of Hell which is only for the bad folk.

Later, rabbis began to use the term olam haba (world to come) to refer to the afterlife. This is generally understood to be the place we go after Moshiach comes and the dead are resurrected, and it may be kind of like Heaven.

So what happens in between?

There is a belief that when a person dies, their spirit hovers near the thing that is most familiar to it, namely, the body that so recently housed that spirit. That is one of the reasons why we have a person sit with the body of a dead person for the entire time between death and burial. We don’t want the spirit to think the body has been abandoned. It is also one of the reasons why we treat dead bodies with care and respect.

In theory, once the body has been properly buried, the dead person’s spirit is relieved that the body has been well cared for, and that the body has been returned to the earth. The spirit is then free to move on to whatever comes next.

Of course, none of us can know what, if anything, happens after death, until we experience it. I like that Judaism doesn’t claim to have all the answers to mysteries like these. I like that, rather than dwelling on the unknowable afterlife, we focus on this life.

“L’chaim,” we say as a toast, “To life.” Jewish tradition tells us that if we save a life, it is like saving an entire world. “Choose life,” God tells us. Ask a Jewish woman if she has a necklace with a Hebrew word on it, and she will probably show you one that says chai – life. Life is the focus of this world.

As for death, we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.

"Whose Eggs Are They, Anyway?" posted at TCJewfolk

2011-09-21T09:06:00.000-07:00

See my latest post at TCJewfolk, called Whose Eggs Are They, Anyway? examining a story about a 17 year old girl who died, and whose parents chose to harvest her eggs.

Review of "The Book of LIfe" on TC Jewfolk

2011-09-18T10:55:00.001-07:00

If you want to know what not to read this fall, you may want to read my review of the "Book of Life" at TC Jewfolk.

Haveil Havalim #330

2011-09-18T06:00:00.000-07:00

Founded by Soccer Dad, Haveil Havalim is a carnival of Jewish blogs -- a weekly collection of Jewish and Israeli blog highlights, tidbits and points of interest collected from blogs all around the world. It's hosted by different bloggers each week and coordinated by Jack.

As a general rule, I don't post more than three submissions by the same person, so if you sent in more and you don't see them here, that's why. Opinions expressed in the posts linked below are those of the respective bloggers and not necessarily endorsed by me.

New Blogger to Haveil Havalim:
The first post this week is from Avigayil, because this is her first post to Haveil Havalim, and I like to encourage new writers. Please welcome her and her post, On meeting Rabba Sara, why I freaked out, and why I probably shouldn't have had to posted at Fabulosity.

The Upcoming High Holy Days:
If Gilad Shalit came home for Rosh Hashanah, what would you feed him? Mirjam Weiss gives us one idea in Like Talking To A Wall posted at Miriyummy.

Uncomforatble with the High Holy Days? Maybe you can find something to like in What the High Holy Days Mean to Me posted at To Kiss a Mezuzah.

Find holiday fun for the kids as Jennifer in MamaLand presents FREE ראש השנה / Rosh Hashanah Colouring Pages & Activities! posted at Adventures in Mama-Land.

Yisrael Medad writes about the month of Elul in In the Month of Elul posted at More From The Admor.

What does the Wide World of Sports have to do with Elul? Cosmic X explains in Elul: The Thrill of Victory and the Agony of Defeat posted at Cosmic X in Jerusalem.

Jacob Richman showcases some Rosh Hashanah stamps in New Israeli Stamps for Rosh Hashana posted at Good News from Israel.

Sheyna Galyan presents Shame as a sin posted at Books and Beliefs.

Jacob Richman has linked a new Rosh Hashanah video at New: Learn Hebrew Rosh Hashana Video posted at Good News from Israel.

Antisemitism:
Abe Greenwald writes about anti-semitism, ant-americanism, and 9/11 in Israel, America, and the Lessons of 9/11 posted at Jewish Ideas Daily.

Torah:
Josh Waxman presents Thou shalt not sleep with the fishes posted at parshablog.

Israel:
Joel Katz gives us his usual, interesting rundown of Israeli events in Religion and State in Israel - September 12, 2011 (Section 1) and Religion and State in Israel - September 12, 2011 (Section 2) posted at Religion and State in Israel.

Etana Hecht writes about girls being harrassed as they try to go to school in Bet Shemesh in A Personal Account of the Events In Bet Shemesh posted at Frum Satire (and no, this post is not satire).

Job hunting in Israel? Jacob Richman shares some tips in Job Hunting Tips posted at Good News from Israel.

Listen to the sounds of Jerusalem with Harry in Listening to the sounds of silence in Jerusalem posted at ISRAELITY.

Sharon A shares photos and a commentary of life in Israel in New Season « The Real Jerusalem Streets posted at The Real Jerusalem Streets.

Read about programs for Israelis between high school and military service as Harry presents The “mechinistim” posted at ISRAELITY.

Batya dislikes a statement from an Israeli MK in Treason? What 1967 Tragedies? posted at Shiloh Musings.

Iris shares a conversation between two Israelis who have lost their homes in "Yeah, Me Too" posted at Shiloh Musings.

Batya writes about the relationship between Israel and Egypt in Is This "New Egypt" Still A Peace Partner of Israel? posted at Shiloh Musings.

Cosmic X presents More on Secular Coercion in the IDF posted at Cosmic X in Jerusalem.

Culture:
Cosmic X presents Video Exposes UNRWA 'Right of Return' Summer Camp posted at Cosmic X in Jerusalem.

Should Rebbes always stick to the official course content for children? Mordechai Torczyner presents some interesting thoughts on this subject in Wanted: A 7th Grade Rebbe posted at The Rebbetzin's Husband.

Mirjam Weiss and her husband have some thought-provoking things to say about what we call ourselves in Miriyummy Guest Post: I?m An Apology For A Jew posted at Miriyummy.

Not exactly culture, but Harry presents an interesting look at how others view Sept 11 and the United States in Nostalgia Sunday – 9/11: The international view posted at ISRAELITY.

Allan Nadler writes about Harvey Pekar in Enmity; or, Yiddish in America posted at Jewish Ideas Daily.

Politics:
steve ornstein presents Palestinian Statehood Initiative:A Guide for the Perplexed posted at IsraelSeen.com.

Humor:
Satiricohen submitted this post under "Humor," but some may consider it to be offensive, since it stereotypes Palestinians as liars: "The Joy of Lying" - New Book Explains Pathological Lying in Palestinian Society posted at Israeli Satire Laboratory.

Remembering September 11, 2001:
Leah-Perl Shollar remembers the World Trade Center in Windows on the World posted at The JLI Community Blog.

Mrs. S. presents Ten years later posted at Our Shiputzim: A Work In Progress.

Mordechai Torczyner remembers what he did as a young rabbi in What could a rabbi have said on September 11th? posted at The Rebbetzin's Husband.

Personal:
Batya writes about a plant in her garden in Transplant, Horticultural Success? posted at me-ander.

Food Reviews:
Daniela presents Telma's Mixflakes Plus Cereal posted at Isreview.

Daniela presents Loacker's Rose Of The Dolomites posted at Isreview.

How you can participate:
You may submit your blog post for the next edition of Haveil Havalim by using our carnival submission form. Past posts and future hosts can be found on our blog carnival index page.

What I Get Out of the High Holy Days

2011-09-15T18:00:00.000-07:00

By Susan Esther Barnes

This post was inspired by a comment by “CA” on a post called Another Aish Video Insults Our Intelligence on Dov Bear’s blog.

CA, like many other people, has some trouble with some of the High Holy Day themes. He compares God during this time to Santa Claus. Presumably, this is because Santa, in theory, gives coal to the bad boys and girls, and only brings good stuff to the good ones. Similarly, Jewish tradition says that the High Holy days is the time when God writes our names in either the Book of Life or the Book of Death for the coming year, and that our actions can influence which book God will choose for us.

“Naughty or Nice,” he says, “you get what's coming to you.” That’s the theory, anyway, but as CA observes, “Unfortunately, this bears no relation to reality…The undeniable fact is that sooner or later the big G-guy is going to write everyone for the book of Death.”

Because of this, as well as long services and “pompous rabbinical sermons,” CA doesn’t like the High Holy Days. “About the only thing I like is the food,” he says. Which strikes me as odd, since Yom Kippur is a day of fasting, but I’m sure he must be talking about the Rosh Hashanah food, and anyway, that’s beside the point.

I really can’t argue with CA when s/he points out that no matter how good we are, we’re all going to die. Not only that, but every year there are people who die even though they seem to be living a reasonably righteous life, and others continue to live even though have done some pretty nasty stuff.

Although the whole Books of Life and Death thing is part of the High Holy Days, it’s only a part. If that part makes you uncomfortable, fine. There is still plenty more to the Days of Awe than that, and the fact that you don’t like one part doesn’t mean you should write off the whole thing.

In fact, the High Holy Days start out with Kol Nidre, which means “All vows.” It starts out with us being forgiven for any vows we made (or are going to make, depending on which interpretation you follow), which we are unable to keep. A holiday that starts out with forgiveness can’t be all that bad, right?

Later, we ask God for forgiveness for a list of stuff we have done wrong and, presumably, we receive God’s forgiveness. That sounds good to me, too.

It’s not all automatic, though. We are reminded that God forgives us for sins against God, but for sins against another person, God forgives us only if we have made peace with that person. I like this part, too. It encourages us to ask for forgiveness from those we have wronged, and to forgive those who have wronged us.

CA says, “I don't see why I need forgiveness from God if I do something wrong, and why I should wait until one time a year. If I hurt someone, I prefer to apologize right away and clear the air quickly.” The good news for CA is, there nothing in the liturgy that says we need to wait. I agree that whenever someone’s feelings are hurt, the best thing is to make peace as soon as possible.

What the High Holy Days provide, however, is an opportunity to reflect on the past year, and to ask ourselves, “Have I made peace with everyone I need to, or do I still have some baggage lying around to which I need to attend?” It also gives us a deadline. The holidays remind us we don’t have forever to make peace. We may die next year, or even sooner. The time to make peace, the holidays remind us, is now.

I also happen to like the High Holy Day music, and I’m lucky enough to be a member of a synagogue in which the sermons are, as a general rule, thoughtful and moving. The services are long, but I’m never bored; in fact, I enjoy them. Plus, I find the long services help to distract me from my hunger during the Yom Kippur fast.

So although I don’t believe who lives and dies in a given year is based on a Divine moral judgment, I find I get a lot out of the High Holy Days every year. I hope that CA, and others of a similar mindset, will put aside the parts s/he doesn’t like, and will instead focus on the parts of the holidays that have the opportunity to provide him/her with a sense of meaning.

How to Make a Fantasy Football League Draft Holy

2011-09-09T13:57:00.001-07:00

By Susan Esther Barnes

My husband has been in the same Fantasy Football League (FFL) since 1990. Some people have come and gone in the league, but the core of the participants are guys with whom we went to high school. Every year, before the season starts, they gather in someone’s home to hold the draft, and every year at a party during the Super Bowl they gather to award the trophy to that year’s FFL winner.

A number of years ago, Mark, one of the participants, moved to Los Angeles, but every year he still came up to the Bay Area for the FFL draft. Mark’s a bit of a football fanatic, a big Vikings fan. He and his brother Ray know more than anyone else I know about the teams and the players in the NFL.

Mark is also a bit of a fanatic about the FFL. One year, he made himself a football jersey in his FFL team’s colors, by piecing together a couple of jerseys from NFL teams. Then, each year he started giving a jersey to one of the other guys in the league, representing his respective team. You can’t really tell from the picture above, but each guy in the photo is wearing a specially made FFL team jersey, courtesy of Mark.

A couple of weeks before the scheduled draft for this year, we got an email from Mark’s brother Ray, who is also in the league. Mark’s cancer had been acting up, and he wouldn’t be able to make the trip up here to participate in the draft. There were suggestions about how he could participate in the draft by Skype or other electronic means, but an FFL draft without Mark there would be like a hot fudge sundae without the fudge. Serviceable, maybe, but still a disappointment.

Instead, five of us decided to take a day off work and hop on a plane to LA, so we could do the draft at Mark’s apartment. His Mom had been visiting, and she changed her flight so she could meet us near the airport on her way out as we were on our way in.

Of course Mark’s Mom has known us since our high school days, from the time when her sons used to throw parties at her house and we’d be up until all hours of the night, before we’d fall asleep sprawled across the living room floor. It was in their living room that I first fell in love with my husband, dancing to “Life’s Been Good to Me So Far” by Joe Walsh.

So Mark’s Mom met us by the airport, and we ate some sandwiches and shot the breeze, and before she left she told us how much it meant to her that we had come down for the draft, as if it were possible that we might make any other choice once the trip had been suggested.

Then off we were to Mark’s apartment, to play Halo and to hold the draft, to eat chips & dip and to reminisce about old times, to complain about how much Mark’s cat was shedding and to make each other laugh.

And that is how you make a Fantasy Football League Draft holy.

Rabbi Kanefsky and “…shelo asani isha”

2011-08-31T18:00:00.000-07:00

By Susan Esther Barnes

Earlier this month, Rabbi Yosef Kanefsky published an article in which he explained why he doesn’t say the prayer that ends “shelo asani isha,” thereby initiating a flurry of discussion in the Jewish Orthodox blogging community. (I’d link to the post, but it appears to have been removed, and replaced with “A Calmer and Fuller Articulation.”)

This prayer may be unfamiliar to Reform Jewish people, since it has been omitted from the Reform prayer book. The prayer is/was part of the recitation of every day blessings, and in it the person praying thanks God for “not making me a woman.”

The bloggers who disagree with Rabbi Kanefsky include the usual arguments claiming that Orthodox practice has not changed for thousands of years (which is patently false), and that anyone who questions current practice must not really be Orthodox.

But others, including thoughtful people on Dov Bear’s blog, claim that we should continue to say this blessing because, regardless of what its intention was when it was first written, these days “almost everyone” interprets this prayer in a benign fashion.

So what do they mean by benign? First, there’s the argument that the men are required to do the time-bound mitzvot (commandments), and women are not, so what the men are doing when they say this prayer is thanking God that they get to do more commandments, and thus get a greater reward. This explanation, of course, furthers the idea that men are rewarded more than women are, which I don’t see as benign.

One reason given for why women aren’t required to do as many commandments as the men is that the women are somehow spiritually superior to the men. On the surface that’s a nice-sounding argument, but it doesn’t make any sense for a man to thank God for making him spiritually inferior.

Dov Bear himself said it makes sense to say this prayer because, “Being an Orthodox Jewish woman sucks.” As one commentor elaborated, “I'm damn thankful I'm not a woman. Who wants to get paid less for the same job? Who wants a bunch of men telling you how you're supposed to dress and how you're supposed to cover your hair? Who wants to have every intimate detail of your personal life on display and up for inspection by a man? The list goes on and on, but there's only so much time in the day.” This is benign?

Another reason given for not removing this prayer from Orthodox prayer books is that doing so won’t change the mind of misogynists anyway, so what’s the point? Well, the point is that by leaving it in, every day Orthodox Jews are reminded that the prayer book, and thus Judaism, apparently supports the idea that being a man is better than being woman. Thus, the prayer is an institutionalization of the idea that women are inferior to men. The removal of the prayer would be the removal of the endorsement of this idea by the establishment.

Although removing the prayer, by itself, will not solve the problem, the longer the institution of Judaism endorses prayers that promote the idea that women are inferior, the harder it will be to change the attitudes of Jewish misogynists. That is the point.

What Every College Student Should Have to Do

2011-08-30T18:00:00.000-07:00

By Susan Esther Barnes

Every 3 or 4 months or so, we hold a “Fun Day” at work. We go to a baseball game, or play miniature golf, or do something else together just for fun. It struck me as an odd activity for an office full of liberal democratic types, but this week for Fun Day we went to a shooting range.

This activity reminded me of an essay I had to write in college. The assignments was to start an essay with the words, “Every college student should have to” and then finish the sentence and explain why we should all have to do whatever we chose for the conclusion of the sentence. I chose, “Every college student should have to learn how to handle and fire a rifle.”

I suspect part of my reason for choosing this subject was my desire to stand out. I wanted to pick something different than what I suspected everyone else would choose. I wanted to be unique; I wanted to be daring.

(As an aside, my professor read a few of the essays in class for discussion, without saying who wrote them, and he chose mine as one of them. I found it telling that, throughout the entire discussion, the class always referred to the author as “he,” never once considering that it may have been written by a woman.)

Part of the reason I chose that topic, though, was I believed in it. I still do. A lot of people are scared of firearms, and wouldn’t know how to handle one safely if they came across one unexpectedly. At an early age I was aware of basic gun safety rules: How to properly hold a gun, to always point it at the ground or in the air when not aiming at a target, to keep my finger off the trigger until I was ready to shoot, etc.

All of these skills, and a general comfort around guns, could come in very handy if one were to come across a firearm unexpectedly, as I did once. In fact, this kind of knowledge could save a life.

And what of the experience at the shooting range? The photo at the top of this post was my target. The grouping isn’t as tight as I would have liked, but with over 30 years having passed since the last time I shot a firearm, and with this being only the second time I had ever held a pistol, I was pleased that everything was within the black portion of the bullseye.

I was a bit disconcerted when my shooting partner kept saying, “He’s dead.” When I was shooting, I wasn’t contemplating shooting a living creature, and I certainly was not thinking about killing anything or anyone. In fact, although other people used targets in the shape of a person, I avoided those on purpose. This was target practice, nothing more.

At any rate, it’s good to know I have some firearm skills, even though I hope I’ll never have to use them. I’d rather be knowledgeable and safe than ignorant and sorry.

Glossary for People New to Orthodox Jewish Blogs

2011-08-25T18:27:00.000-07:00

By Susan Esther Barnes

A couple of years ago, when I started blogging, I also starting reading other blogs, including Jewish blogs in particular. This turned out to be my first real chance to hobnob with Orthodox Jews, but I ran into the following problem: Sometimes, it seemed like they were speaking a whole different language!

Part of the time, that’s because they’re using Yiddish or Hebrew words, or, I suppose, even quoting something in Aramaic. Sometimes they’re using abbreviations. So for others who may be starting on the worthwhile adventure of reading Orthodox blogs, below are some definitions that may help you make sense of them.

Please note that this isn’t a definitive list of Jewish terms. Rather, it’s a list of terms used on Orthodox Jewish blogs that people otherwise familiar with common Hebrew and Jewish terms might not recognize.

BT:
This is an abbreviation for Ba’al Tshuva. Tshuva means “return.” A BT is a Jewish person who either was not raised Orthodox or left Orthodoxy, and then either became Orthodox or returned to Orthodox practice. Thus, even someone who was never Orthodox before is considered to have “returned.”

FFB:
This is an abbreviation for “Frum From Birth.” Frum is a Yiddish word meaning “devout.” Someone is FFB if they were born an Orthodox Jew and never left Orthodoxy, and it is used to distinguish them from BTs (above).

Frum:
This is a Yiddish word meaning “devout,” but it is only used when referring to Orthodox Jews. Orthodox Jews will sometimes refer to other Orthodox Jews as being more or less frum depending on their perceived level of observance, but if you are not Orthodox or are a devout Gentile you will not be referred to as frum.

Gadol:
In Hebrew, gadol means “big.” When used with a capital “G” and/or when used as a noun rather than an adjective, it means a well-respected (male) rabbi, whose rulings are considered to be more worthy of following than the rulings of a “lesser” rabbi, who presumably isn’t as learned as a Gadol. “Gadol” is not a title that is officially bestowed on a rabbi, so there is some disagreement regarding which rabbis deserve to be called a Gadol.

Kofer:
A kofer is an unbeliever. This word is used as an insult, and refers to someone who is rejecting Judaism’s teachings. It is generally used by one Jew against another when a person expresses an opinion not endorsed by Orthodoxy in general or by that particular writer. A person who is not Jewish or who is not very educated in Judaism is generally not considered to be a kofer because they haven’t learned enough about Judaism to actually reject its teachings.

Pasken/Posek:
One of the early roles of rabbis, before they became as involved as they are now in pastoral roles, was to rule on matters of Jewish law for the Jewish laypeople. Rabbis have retained this role in the Orthodox world more than they have outside it. Your Posek is the rabbi you go to in order to obtain a rabbinic ruling in regard to (or to answer a question about) the law (halacha). Pasken is the verb form: to make a ruling on the law.

Shidduch:
A shidduch is a romantic match between two people, for the purpose of marriage.

Shidduch Crisis:
Because men and women are so often kept separate from each other in the Orthodox world (in some branches of Orthodoxy, unrelated men and women are not even supposed to talk to each other), many Orthodox singles rely on matchmakers. Unfortunately, for a variety of reasons, this system isn’t working well for many people, leaving many singles feeling like they have little chance of ever finding a proper match. This problem is referred to as the “shidduch crisis.”

Choosing an Etrog Set Ain't Easy

2011-08-24T18:00:00.000-07:00

By Susan Esther Barnes

Sukkot – the Jewish festival of the booths – doesn’t start until the evening of October 12, but already I’m seeing ads online for Etrog sets – the packages you can get with the four species required as part of the Sukkot holiday rituals.

The idea is, you get an etrog (a citrus fruit much like a lemon), a palm frond, a willow tree branch (with leaves) and a myrtle tree branch (with leaves). You hold them in your hands, wave them, and recite the appropriate blessings.

Presumably, if you live in Israel, the four necessary components would be pretty easy to get. It’s all stuff that naturally grows there (or did at one time – apparently when Israel was founded there weren’t a lot of etrog orchards left, but more have been planted since then).

There are some etrog orchards in the United States, but even if they could grow enough of the fruit to meet the demand of the entire North American Jewish market, many people prefer to support the State of Israel by buying their Etrog sets from there. Luckily for us in the diaspora, there are several websites to help us in this endeavor.

One might think that buying an Etrog set would be fairly straightforward, like buying many commodities online. Search a few websites that sell the item, check prices as well as shipping and handling charges, and buy from the one that offers the goods at the cheapest price without looking too dodgy.

A quick search, however, reveals prices anywhere from $35 to $129.99 (if you don’t count the cute but not kosher plushie set that sells for about $15). Yet the photos for all the sets on most sites, from the cheapest to the most expensive, is all the same photo. What’s up with that?

Well, you see, you could do the shaking of the four species using the cheapest kosher set available (you could even grow and pick your own for free), and you would be fulfilling the miztzvah (commandment).

But there’s this notion of “hiddur mitzvah,” which means “beautifying the commandment.” Rather than just doing the mitzvah, you can go the extra mile to do it in a more beautiful way, by having a more beautiful etrog, or a straighter palm frond, or more or fresher branches, etc.

So sure, you can get the basic set, but if you have extra cash to spend, you can trade up and pay 3 or 4 times as much, or more, to make it more beautiful. And I kind of understand that. Still, there is a part of me that can’t help but wonder, “How much did the ancient merchant’s guild have to pay to get that stuff added to the halacha (Jewish law) so they could make more money?”

I mean, really, who needs all this pressure to trade up for some fancier flora to wave around before it dies? Ok, so don’t insult God by using old, wilted, moldy branches and leaves, but all the components are God’s creations. It’s all good. Just buy the cheap set and, if you’re feeling guilty, donate the difference in cost to your local food bank. That would be a real hiddur mitzvah.

"What I Can't Seem to Forgive" on TC Jewfolk

2011-08-17T08:08:00.000-07:00

Head on over to TC Jewfolk to see my latest post there, called "What I Can't Seem to Forgive."

Make a comment. Share it with friends. Think about any relationships you need to mend before Yom Kippur rolls around. Then go do it.

Critter of Interest

2011-08-16T09:13:00.001-07:00

By Susan Esther Barnes

I am not making any specific accusations, and I certainly wouldn't call the buck pictured above a "suspect" in the incident I wrote about here.

However, I did see the above creature wandering around near my home with his buddy, munching on various plants.

For the time being, let's just call him a "critter of interest" and leave it at that.

I Don't Hate the Person - I Just Hate Their Actions

2011-08-15T18:00:00.000-07:00

By Susan Esther Barnes

It’s a refrain I’ve often heard said about people in the Lesbian, Bisexual, Gay, Transgender and Queer (LBGTQ) community, and I’ve also heard it used in reference to non-Orthodox Jews by the Orthodox. Hate the person’s actions, but not the person. I’m not sure this is actually possible.

Judaism teaches that our thoughts and intentions are not as important as our actions. The person who sits at home and thinks about how much he loves everyone in the world is not doing a mitzvah, but the person who thinks homeless people are vermin but gives them money anyway is doing one.

On one hand, our actions help to shape our thoughts, and therefore can change who we are. The person sitting home alone is not interacting with others in the world, and is learning nothing new. The person out giving money to the homeless on the street is interacting with them, in some small way. Maybe, over time, these interactions will help them to see the other person as more human. Maybe they will start to look at the causes of homelessness and see it is often not the homeless person’s fault that they are now in this position.

“Na’aseh v’nishma” the Torah says (Exodus 24:7), “we will do and we will see (or understand).” First we do, and in the act of doing we change how we see things; we change our understanding of how the world works, and therefore we change who we are inside. Our actions and our selves are bound up together in a way that they cannot be separated entirely.

So how can we say we hate the actions of someone, and claim that in no way do we hate the person him- or herself? Hate is a complete rejection of a thing or a person. It leaves no room for understanding or compassion. It is black and white, leaving no room for grey.

What if, instead, I merely disapprove of that person’s actions? What if I remind myself that no mentally stable person wakes up in the morning and says, “I’m going to do something hateful today”? If the person ends up doing something hateful, there must be a reason for it. Something that overcame their intentions.

Perhaps the best place to start, then, rather than hate for the action, is to try to understand what caused that person to take that action. What was their intention? Do they recognize that what they did was wrong? What are they willing to do to make t’shuvah, to try to return to the correct path? What are you doing to help them? These are questions that come from love and compassion, not from hate.

I suspect the notion of “I hate the action, but not the person” stems from the Ghandi quote, “Hate the sin, not the sinner.” Another problem I have with this sentiment, and how it’s being applied, is that we don’t all agree on what is or isn’t sinful.

It is quite clear to me, for instance, that loving another human being and expressing that love in a committed relationship is not a sin. It is equally clear to me that loving God and expressing that love in a way that honors Judaism’s tradition and thousands-of-years-old track record of changing with the times is also not a sin. Therefore, being a member of the LBGTQ community, and/or being a non-Orthodox Jew is not a sin, and acting in ways consistent with either or both of those identities is not a sin.

But when someone tells a person that living in a committed relationship with someone of the same gender is a sin, or when they tell them that failing to keep separate sets of dishes at home is a sin, they are doing more than rejecting a specific action. They are negating the way of life of that person. They are saying that who that person is, as a person, is unacceptable. They may claim that only the actions themselves are hated, and not the person, but the two are inseparable.

“Elohai neshama shenatata bi t’hora hi – the soul that God has given me is pure.” To claim that another person must suppress their neshama and act in a way that is contrary to the pure soul that God gave them is to do violence to that soul. I do not see how you can hate the pure, loving expression of a person’s soul and truthfully claim you do not hate who that person is, as a person.

So if you hate the soul that God gave me, if you hate the only honest way I have of expressing that soul, then you hate me. My actions are the only way I have to express who I truly am. Don’t try to make yourself feel better by claiming it is only my actions you hate. When you hate the actions that express who I am, then you hate me.

Haveil Havalim #325

2011-08-14T06:00:00.000-07:00

Founded by Soccer Dad, Haveil Havalim is a carnival of Jewish blogs -- a weekly collection of Jewish and Israeli blog highlights, tidbits and points of interest collected from blogs all around the world. It's hosted by different bloggers each week and coordinated by Jack.

Opinions expressed in the posts linked below are those of the respective bloggers and not necessarily endorsed by me.

Torah:
Allison Josephs presents The S&P Downgrade and Tisha B’Av: A Spiritual Lesson From a Day of Calamity | Jew In The City posted at Jew in the City.

Rabbi Yehoishophot Oliver presents The transformational power of Torah posted at A Chassidishe farbrengen.

Israel:
Get your fix of all things Israel as faithful HH participant Joel Katz presents Religion and State in Israel - August 8, 2011 (Section 1) and Religion and State in Israel - August 8, 2011 (Section 2) posted at Religion and State in Israel.

Sharon A takes us on a lovely photo tour of Jerusalem's old city on the night of Tisha B'Av in After the Fasts posted at The Real Jerusalem Streets's Blog.

Temple Mount Updates presents Over 500 Jews make pilgrimage to the Temple Mount on 9th of Av; Arabs attack posted at Temple Mount Updates.

Tomer Devorah writes about some of Glenn Beck's activities in Israel, and in the second post says it's an abomination but doesn't say how, in "8/24" and An Abomination posted at TOMER DEVORAH.

Hey Israeli sports fans! Harry has some good news in NBA players lining up to play in Israel posted at ISRAELITY.

Harry contmplates joining the recent Israeli protests but decides to participate later in From the tents to the Israeli street posted at ISRAELITY.

Julie reviews a playground in The Lifschitz Street Park -- Jerusalem Playground Reviews, pt. 2 posted at Walkable Jerusalem.

Mirjam Weiss urges you to make aliyah in Can You Hear Me Calling? posted at Miriyummy.

Esser Agaroth says he's against the current Israeli social justice protests in The Agenda Within The Tents posted at Esser Agaroth.

Apparently the US isn't the only place where people on the right claim the media is controlled by people on the left, as you can see as Batya presents The True Reason for the Leftist Media-Supported Anti-Government Demonstrations posted at Shiloh Musings.

Batya has more negative things to say about the Israeli protesters in Re: The Korach Protests on the Streets of Israel posted at Shiloh Musings.

Esser Agaroth presents Expulsion From Azza, Sixth Anniversary: Who Was To Blame? posted at Esser Agaroth.

Tomer Devorah discusses a retraction she believes wasn't really a retraction in Where's the Retraction? posted at TOMER DEVORAH.

Culture:
I think of the word God as a "job description" more than as a name, but others such as Mordechai Torczyner hold a different view, and I can't say he's wrong. Make up your own mind after you read In the Name of Gd posted at The Rebbetzin's Husband.

Learn some new Heblish expressions from Mrs. S. in Heblish: As The Laundry Spins Edition posted at Our Shiputzim: A Work In Progress.

View some truly lovely photos as Harry presents Foto Friday – Natural Beauty with Eddie Friedman posted at ISRAELITY.

Rickismom tells us of a man who's finding balance in his life in The "Fanatic" and the Fan posted at Beneath the Wings.

Friar Yid presents Making Connections posted at Friar Yid.

In a post about how he thinks the feelings of Orthodox Jews about non-Orthodox Jews is not "baseless hatred," Esser Agaroth presents Did Baseless Hatred Really Destroy The Temple? posted at Esser Agaroth.

Food:
Daniela reviews a couple of snack foods in Loacker's Quadratini Vanilla Wafers and Meir Bagel's Flat Pretzels "Shtuchaleh" posted at Isreview.

Personal:
I write about overreaction in The Benefits of Overreaction at To Kiss a Mezuzah.

Learn how Batya first discovered Tisha B'Av in And What's This Jewish Tisha B'Av "Holiday"? posted at Shiloh Musings.

rutimizrachi presents "Simple pleasures are the best." posted at Ki Yachol Nuchal!.

Rivki presents New series: Women Who Inspire Us posted at Life in the Married Lane.

As a follow-up to the above post, Rivki presents Women Who Inspire Us #1: Maxine Clark posted at Life in the Married Lane.

How you can participate:
You may submit your blog post for the next edition of Haveil Havalim by using our carnival submission form. Past posts and future hosts can be found on our blog carnival index page.

The Benefits of Overreaction

2011-08-09T18:00:00.000-07:00

Words by Susan Esther Barnes
Photo by Alan Schweigert

We all have mental images of ourselves, ways that we define ourselves and our actions. “I’m artistic,” “I’m logical,” “I have a good sense of humor,” etc.

One of the things I tell people about myself is that I tend to overreact to things. Until recently, I thought that was a bad thing, but recently I have reconsidered.

It’s true that sometimes my tendency to overreact can get in my way. Sometimes, I am so surprised and dismayed by something that it seems my mind has ceased to function. My head is filled with white noise, and I, who revels in the use of words, feel incapable of forming any coherent thoughts, let alone translating those thoughts into phrases or sentences that anyone can understand.

This issue used to be a common problem for me in my first marriage. My (then) husband would say something (usually it would be something critical of me, or something threatening our relationship), and then would follow it up 5 or 10 seconds later with something along the lines of, “Why are you just sitting there? Say something!”

The truth is, when I am upset or very surprised, there is a nonverbal internal process that needs to take place before I can do anything else. The amount of time this process takes varies depending on the situation. If the surprise is bad enough, during the initial few seconds I am literally incapable of forming words in my head, let alone choosing which ones to express. My ex-husband never understood this.

Another one of my charming tendencies is that if I am hurt and/or uncomfortable, I want everyone else around me to feel hurt and uncomfortable, too. When I was younger, this led to me saying things that I very quickly came to regret.

So the next thing that happens, once I am capable of speech again, is I have to examine my feelings. Am I angry? Do I want to hurt the other person right now? If so, then I need to consider very carefully what I am about to say, because I don’t want to say something I’m likely to regret. This evaluation can lead to an even longer period of silence.

Over time, I have learned that this is a good time to say something like, “I’m sorry, I’m having trouble thinking right now,” in order to clue in the other person about why I’m just frozen there with a blank look on my face.

All of this requires a good amount of patience and understanding from the other person. If they’re going to be around me a lot, they’re going to run into this behavior from time to time. And, because it drove my ex-husband so buggy, for a long time I thought of this as a bad thing.

It has recently occurred to me, however, that these overreactions of mine have a couple of distinct advantages.

First, when I’m surprised, my inability to process words pretty much guarantees that I won’t unthinkingly snap back with a hurtful comment. Initially, I can’t speak at all, and in the process of trying to find and form words, my filters become engaged, and I have time to consider the possible downside to what I might be about to say.

Second, I have found that if I allow myself to become immersed in whatever my reaction might be at the time, eventually the perceived crisis loses its power over me. I find that after I have expended my initial overreacting burst of energy, I am once again able to think more clearly about the situation. I can re-evaluate whether or not things are as bad as I initially perceived them to be. I can start to plan how best to cope with it.

And, I have found, that rather than stuffing my feelings inside where they can rise up and surprise me in unpleasant ways at seemingly random moments, in my overreaction and recovery process I have expressed and then dealt with those feelings in such a way that once I’m done with an issue, I’m done. I don’t need to re-examine it later. I can move on.

So, although I don’t like the feeling when I overreact, and I have empathy for other people close to me who occasionally have to be discomforted by being exposed to my silent, blank-faced nonverbal process, in the end I think the benefits may make it worth it.

Your Questions Answered #4

2011-08-03T19:00:00.000-07:00

By Susan Esther Barnes

One of the fun things about getting website statistics for my blog is I get to see the search terms people use to get here. A lot of those search terms are questions. You have some great questions, and I think they deserve an answer. So here is the fourth installment of “Your Questions Answered.”

What is the relevance of kissing as a religious ritual?
I love this question. For one answer, look at the very first post
on my blog, in which I explain the meaning of the name of my blog and what it means to me when I kiss a mezuzah.

If you attend a synagogue service, most likely you will see Jews kiss ritual objects, such as the Torah scroll or the neckband of their tallit (prayer shawl) before they put it on. If a siddur (prayer book) falls on the ground, you might see a person kiss it right after they pick it up.

The relevance of the kiss is to show love and respect for the ritual object. It is a way to show that we recognize these things as holy, beyond the holiness we seek to acknowledge in everything and everyone.

What other people use the Torah?
In general, you will only see Jews using a Sefer Torah, or a Torah scroll, which is written on parchment in Hebrew, and contains the five books of Moses. The Hebrew Bible, or Tanach, contains everything in the Sefer Torah as well as the Prophets and the Writings.

Secular people and people of various religions study the Tanach for various reasons. The contents of the Hebrew Bible are included in the Christian Bible, so Christians “use” it, too, although the chapters are in a different order, and Christians usually read the Torah (they call it the “old testament”) in a translation instead of the original Hebrew and Aramaic.

What does “chevra” mean?
Chevra is Hebrew for “society” or a group of people. It comes from the Hebrew word for “friend.” A “chevra kadisha” is a “holy society.” This is the group of people who visit the sick, and who prepare the dead for burial, including ritually washing the body, dressing him/her, and placing the body in the casket.

Refua shlema translation
“Refua shlema” is Hebrew for a “complete healing.” You might also hear it said as a “healing of body and a healing of spirit.” A wish for a refua shlema can be applied to someone suffering from a physical or mental illness, or to someone who is in any kind of distress. It can be used to wish them comfort and spiritual strength even in cases where a physical healing appears unlikely.

How long does a mourning minyan last?
The first seven days after a loved one is buried is called the shiva period. The word “shiva” means “seven” in Hebrew. It is customary for the loved one’s family to hold shiva minyans during the mourning period. (A “minyan” is a group of 10 Jews, which is the minimum number required to say certain prayers).

The length of a shiva minyan service can vary, based on the number of prayers that are said, and how fast they are recited. Also, there is often time set aside during the service for friends and family to talk about the person who has died, and the amount of time used for that can vary.

If you are going to attend a shiva minyan, you can expect the service to last at least a half an hour, and probably not more than an hour. It may not start exactly on time, and you will probably want to allow yourself extra time to express your condolences to the family. In addition, depending on the customs of the community, many of those coming to the service may bring food for the family to eat, and there may be food set out for those coming to the service.

How to thank clergy for a shiva service
It’s great that someone in mourning is thinking about thanking the clergy. On the one hand, it’s their job to do this, and you don’t really need to thank them. On the other hand, they are human, and it’s nice for them to know they are not being taken for granted.

You would thank them just like you would for anything else. You can thank them verbally at the time of the service, or you can call them or send them a note afterward. You might also consider making a donation in memory of the deceased to the synagogue where the clergy person works.

Keep those questions coming!
I would love to answer more of your questions, so feel free to ask some in the comments section below, or just keep going with those interesting search terms.

God's Approval Rating

2011-07-28T16:11:00.001-07:00

By Susan Esther Barnes

A recent telephone survey by Public Policy Polling asked, “If God exists, do you approve or disapprove of its performance?” The results were 52% approve, 9% disapprove, and 40% unsure.

Setting aside the question about what caused this company to decide to refer to God as “it,” I find these results to be interesting.

They did ask some additional questions, resulting in us learning that 50% approve of how God handles natural disasters, 56% approve of God’s handling of animals, and 71% approve God’s handling of creating the universe. Still, I wish there had been a follow up question asking what, specifically, people would like God to do better.

A clear majority think God handled creation well, but where, I wonder, has God gone wrong with the animals? When people answered this question, were they including humans in the equation? I certainly hope this isn’t just about Fido peeing on the carpet again.

Further, what do we want God to do differently about natural disasters? Since we have already conceded, in the wording of the question, that these disasters are natural (rather than supernatural, God-created occurrences), what, exactly, is God doing wrong? Is God supposed to fix everything for us afterward? Do we feel God isn’t supplying us with enough comfort after the fact? Should God issue advance warnings (“Hey, don’t build there, that cliff face will fall into the ocean sometime in the next 25 years” – isn’t that why God gave us engineers?)

Most of all, if God’s creation was so great, and now things are only so-so, who do we think messed it up? It seems to me God created the world, gave us a set of instructions to follow, and then stepped back and let us have at it. If we are now unhappy with the animals and the natural disasters, is that really God’s fault, or is it our own doing?

It also makes me wonder, if we called God and asked, “Do you approve or disapprove of the job the humans are doing?” what would God say?

Maybe, “Well, I know they’re trying hard, but they really are making a hash of things is several different areas, and most of them don’t seem to get around to understanding what’s really important until they realize they’re about to die. So overall, I guess I’d have to say I don’t really approve.

“On the other hand, they are making some strides in the areas of equality in regard to race, gender, and sexual orientation, and many of them offer up some truly heartfelt prayers reasonably often, so I haven’t given up on them yet. Ask me again in another couple hundred years, if they're still around, and we'll see.”

Haveil Havalim - The Makeup Edition

2011-07-24T06:00:00.000-07:00

Founded by Soccer Dad, Haveil Havalim is a carnival of Jewish blogs -- a weekly collection of Jewish and Israeli blog highlights, tidbits and points of interest collected from blogs all around the world. It's hosted by different bloggers each week and coordinated by Jack. Opinions expressed in the posts below are not necessarily endorsed by me.

After several weeks of the Blog Carnival submission system not working, on July 21 the internet blurped and I suddenly had over 60 messages in my inbox, including a couple of acknowlegements of submissions I had made in weeks in which others were scheduled to host.

Although I'm not officially scheduled to host this week, as far as I can tell nobody else is either, so I'm posting a makeup edition. I'm sticking to no more than three posts from a single person, and am taking them from the top of my email list, hoping those are the most recent submissions. I left out those that were written a month or more ago.

If you have been thinking about hosting, please sign up now. We need more hosts, it really isn't difficult at all, and it will be much appreciated. See how to sign up at the bottom of this post.

Judaism:
I ask, Do You Feel Bound by God's Commandments? posted at TC Jewfolk.

Want your fabulous new rabbi - or even your not-so-new rabbi - to stick around? Mordechai Torczyner has some excellent advice in Proper care and feeding of the Rabbi posted at The Rebbetzin's Husband.

Rabbi Rachel Barenblat presents a poem and a meditation on prayer in Poem: morning prayer posted at Velveteen Rabbi.

Lizard responds to a couple of posts about whether or not a synagogue should ask on its application whether a potential member is a convert in Is Daring Within Us? « for Your honor posted at for Your honor.

Rutimizrachi writes a thoughtful piece about how our words and actions can hurt others in "See me, feel me, touch me, heal me!" posted at Ki Yachol Nuchal!.

I ponder the question, Why Become Jewish? posted at To Kiss A Mezuzah.

How do we increase our spirituality? Mordechai Torczyner plans to look deeper into the question in A need for Jewish Spirituality posted at The Rebbetzin's Husband.

Cutting oneself is not the way to convince your parents to let you wear skirts, according to Josh Waxman in Cutting oneself for tznius posted at parshablog. I can't say I argue with him on that, although I find it hard to believe that a rabbi really approved of the idea.

What's your state of mind? Read about two possible options as Rabbi Yehoishophot Oliver presents Reaching a higher level of consciousness posted at A Chassidishe farbrengen.

Batya writes about the current period in the Jewish calendar in Three Weeks of Mourning, Judaism and Details posted at Shiloh Musings.

Being an agunah has to be a hard thing to take, but Harry tells of a story when it leads to violence in Agunot in the NYPost posted at ISRAELITY.

Rabbi Yehoishophot Oliver writes about Jews and our sins in A Jew? Sin?! Unthinkable! posted at A Chassidishe farbrengen.

Israel:
Get access to a wide variety of Israel-related posts in Joel Katz's Religion and State in Israel - July 18, 2011 (Section 1) and Religion and State in Israel - July 18, 2011 (Section 2) posted at Religion and State in Israel.

Hadassah Levy offers some thoughts on a young woman with a lot of chutzpah in Getting Birthright Wrong posted at Jewish Ideas Daily.

I make my first foray into fisking in Fisking "Another Flotilla Standoff: The Audacity of Hate" posted at To Kiss A Mezuzah.

Rivkah Lambert Adler finds it difficult to speak with Americans who are reluctant to make aliyah in Rendered Speechless posted at Bat Aliyah.

As writers, we may be particularly interested in Rutimizrachi's post about judging books without reading them in Eine Kleine Book Burning posted at Ki Yachol Nuchal!.

Harry writes about biblical animals in Foto Friday – In search of the yakhmur posted at Israelity.

Harry presents The new U.S. ambassador posted at ISRAELITY.

Julie prepares to review playgounds in Israel in Back to the playground posted at Walkable Jerusalem.

Julie reviews her first playground in The Hildesheimer Park -- Jerusalem Playground Review, pt. 1 posted at Walkable Jerusalem.

Leiby Kletzky's Murder:
This one needed its own category, IMHO. It doesn't really fit into the other categories.

The story hit way to close to home for Mystery Woman, as she explains in Why? posted at Mystery Woman.

Allison Josephs writes about the murder in A (Real Life) Stranger Among Us: The Murder of Leiby Kletzky | Jew In The City posted at Jew in the City.

The United States seems like a dangerous place to Batya in Reflecting on America posted at Shiloh Musings.

Rutimizrachi presents "May the death of this boy mark the end of all anguish..." posted at Ki Yachol Nuchal!.

Antisemitism:
Independent Patriot/Elise presents UNESCO Declares the Rambam is not a Jew and Jewish History Invalid posted at Liberty's Spirit.

Culture:
Mordechai Torczyner wants to know how we can stop ourselves from feeling numb in Spirituality and the Numbest Generation posted at The Rebbetzin's Husband.

Hadassah Levy presents David Mamet's Homecoming posted at Jewish Ideas Daily.

Personal:
Batya tells us about her experience with airport food in Eating Kosher on The Go, JFK Airport posted at me-ander.

How you can participate:
You may submit your blog post for the next edition of Haveil Havalim by using our carnival submission form. Past posts and future hosts can be found on our blog carnival index page. You can volunteer to host from that page as well. Go ahead, you know it will be a great experience!

To My Readers in Norway

2011-07-23T19:50:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to take a moment to let my readers in Norway know that I'm thinking about you. My heart goes out to all of you affected by the recent tragedies there.

"Do You Feel Bound by God's Commandments?" at TC Jewfolk

2011-07-20T08:27:00.000-07:00

Read my newst post, Do You Feel Bound by God's Commandments? over at TC Jewfolk. While you're there, read some of their other stuff too. It's well worth your time.

Why Become Jewish?

2011-07-19T18:35:00.001-07:00

By Susan Esther Barnes

I recently read Rabbi David Wolpe’s book “Why Be Jewish?” I love his podcasts. They are both entertaining and insightful, so I was looking forward to reading this book. I’m not sure what I was expecting, but I was sadly disappointed. I didn’t feel like he actually answered the question.

The book is divided into the following three sections: To Grow in Soul, To Join a People, and To Seek God. But you can do all of those things without being Jewish.

There are certainly many reasons not to be Jewish. Chief among them is that historically, Jews have been a persecuted people. There have been crusades, pogroms, and the Shoah (Holocaust). Even today there are groups like Hamas, skinheads, and neo Nazis that want to kill all the Jews. These groups can be found all over the globe.

There are countries such as Saudi Arabia where no Jews live, and where Jews are not allowed to even visit if they have an Israeli passport or even an Israeli stamp in their passport.

In addition, as Jews we believe that non-Jews are only responsible for following the seven Noahide laws, which are a subset of the Ten Utterances, or what the Christians call the Ten Commandments. Non-Jews who follow those laws have earned a place in the world-to-come (heaven).

Once someone becomes Jewish, however, they are responsible for following all of the laws in the Torah, or at least those laws which can still be carried out (for instance, we can’t follow the laws of sacrifice since the Temple in Jerusalem was destroyed). So if you’re not Jewish not only can you still earn a place in the world-to-come, it’s actually much easier for you to do than it is for a Jewish person.

If you’re born Jewish then there’s no need to answer the question “Why become Jewish?” You just are. You can deny it or try to convert to something else, but in the eyes of the Jews, there is no getting out of it. Once a Jew, always a Jew. (I’ll leave aside for the moment the abomination of Rabbis in Israel “reversing” conversions after the fact).

But if you weren’t born Jewish, why convert? Why make yourself a target for hate groups, and why take on the burden of the additional commandments? If you want to study Torah, celebrate the Jewish holidays, attend synagogue services, etc., you can do all of those things without converting.

If you live in an Orthodox Jewish community, I can see non-conversion as a problem. In that case, you can’t marry an Orthodox Jewish person if you’re not Jewish, Orthodox Jews won’t eat anything you cook by yourself no matter what ingredients you use or whether you cook in a kosher kitchen with kosher implements, and they won’t even drink a glass of wine if you pour it.

Although some people convert because they want to marry a Jewish person, there are many others who convert who are not dating or engaged to a Jew. And I can’t believe they do it because they want to cook or pour wine for the Orthodox.

The most common reason I have heard from converts is, “I want(ed) to convert because I feel I was born Jewish.” As self-contradictory as this statement may sound, it’s the only one that makes any sense to me.

There are people out there who weren’t born to a Jewish mother and/or weren’t raised Jewish, but they were born with a Jewish soul. And somehow, at some point in their life, they find Judaism and discover that their place is among the Jewish people.

They are not “converting” in the sense that they are not changing from one thing to another. It is simply that they have discovered who they are, and they want to declare that identity to themselves, to other people, and to God.

So I don’t know that anyone ever actually becomes Jewish after they are born. I have never heard anyone say, “Oh, I was totally not Jewish before, but then I changed myself and became Jewish.” Maybe that’s true for some people, and if so, I’d love to hear from you, and to hear why you became Jewish.

But in the meantime, the only reason I can think of for someone to become Jewish is to acknowledge, accept, and fulfill the yearning of their already Jewish soul.

Regarding Haveil Havalim

2011-07-17T08:32:00.000-07:00

For those of you who are looking forward to reading the next Haveil Havalim - and I am among you - I'm sorry, but the submissions system is not working. I have not received any submissions for this week (other than one posted in the comments section of my last post on this blog).

Jack is looking into the issue.

I would have done the work to find a selection of blog posts from frequent contributors and others to post anyway, but unfortunately we have a big project at work, and I have been/will be working evenings and Sundays to get it done, so I'm afraid I don't have the time to go post hunting right now.

Also, if you have signed up to host in the future but have heard nothing back, it may be because that system is broken as well. So please, do sign up to host again once everything is working again. It's pretty easy to do when the system is working, and your help is much appreciated!

Fisking “Another Flotilla Stand-off: The Audacity of Hate”

2011-07-12T18:56:00.000-07:00

By Susan Esther Barnes

I don’t usually do this – actually, I’ve never done this before – but I’m feeling compelled to fisk Ray Hanania’s article "Another Flotilla Stand-off: The Audacity of Hate" from the Jerusalem Post. Apparently the author is a Palestinian activist, so I give him props for trying to write about how both sides are wrong here, but he still falls in to some common rhetorical traps.

So here goes, with the article in quotes and italics.

“The only thing the activists want is to fan the flames of regional extremism.”
That may be one of the things they want, but I don’t think it’s the only thing they want.

“The idea of bringing aide to the people of Gaza is a noble one. Although Israel withdrew its military and settler extremists from the Gaza Strip in September 2005, it has maintained an iron-clad military embargo.”
For the record, Israel also withdrew all of its Jewish non-extremists from the Gaza Strip. Every single Jewish person in the area, no matter how long they had lived there or what they had invested there, was uprooted and moved out. The area was made completely Judenrein.

Also, although I’m sure the Israeli government wishes it were, the military embargo is hardly iron-clad. Weapons, ammunition, and the materials to make them are smuggled into the area all the time, via tunnels and other means.

“Several times, activists have tried to break the Israeli siege. Last year, nine were gunned down when their flotilla approached the Gaza Strip. Israeli special forces assaulted the boats, claiming the civilians aboard attacked them.”
The Israeli forces claimed the people on the boats attacked them because the people on the boats attacked them. This has been clearly documented in video footage from the incident. Israeli soldiers were wounded by the boat passengers. This is also well documented.

“This year, Israel got smart and worked through Greece to prevent a second flotilla from embarking on its mission.”
I agree.

“Ironically, Palestinian activists claim that more and more nations are championing their extremist agenda, but Greece is proof that this is just not true.”
Just because Greece decided to do the right thing doesn’t mean other nations are going to do the right thing. Greece’s actions are a good example to other nations but that doesn’t mean other nations are going to see the light.

“The activists say they want to help the people of the Gaza. The Israelis say they want to prevent Hamas from getting arms.

"Neither side is being honest.”
Some of the activists probably do want to help the people of Gaza. Unfortunately, they don’t seem to be aware that even the Gazans say they don’t need this “aid.” What the Gazans say they need is not more goods coming in, but to get more goods flowing out.

Is the author implying the Israelis are lying when they say they want to prevent Hamas from getting arms? Because I’m pretty sure they do want that, since Hamas wants to use the arms against the Israelis.

“The Israelis hate Palestinians.”
Some, but not all, nor even the majority, of Israelis hate the Palestinians. About 20% of the Israelis are Arabs, and many of them don’t hate the Palestinians. Many Jewish Israelis also do not hate the Palestinians.

“The government’s policies reject Palestinian statehood rights.”
The Prime Minister of Israel has stated that he believes in a two state solution, which means he does not reject out of hand Palestinian statehood rights. As a condition of the formation of a Palestinian State, the Israeli government wants the proposed new Palestinian state to affirm Israel’s right to exist as a Jewish country. It would be suicidal for Israel to support a Palestinian state that is intent on destroying the Israeli state. The problem here is that the Palestinians reject Israeli/Jewish statehood rights.

“Israelis claim they left Gaza,”
The Israelis claim they left Gaza because they left Gaza. There are no Jews living in Gaza, Israeli or not.

“but the truth is they have put a choke-hold on the area, turning it into an outdoor prison.”
Gaza is not a prison. Unlike in prison, people in Gaza vote for their own government, choose to go outside or stay inside, chose what to have for meals and when they eat them, go to bed when they like, marry, have children, go to work and school, etc., without any interference from the Israeli government. They can also cross the border into Egypt if they so choose. I'm not saying it's paradise there, but neither is it a prison.

"At anytime, Israel can reenter and wreak havoc.”
Pretty much any country in the world can enter a neighbor at any time and wreak havoc. That doesn't mean they're going to, or that they want to. In the meantime, rockets continue to be fired from Gaza into Israel. What other country is expected to be repeatedly bombed by a neighbor and not respond?

“Israel’s refusal to suspend expansion of illegal settlements in the West Bank is a testament to its governmet’s campaign to destroy the peace process.”
West Bank settlements are almost entirely in areas that both sides agree will most likely remain as a part of Israel when final borders are determined. So expansion of settlements is in no way an impediment to the peace process.

And even if the settlements expand into areas that may become part of a Palestinian state, so what? There are plenty of Christian and Muslim Arabs living peacefully in Israel. Why can’t there be any Jews living peacefully in a Palestinian state?

“Refusing to recognize Palestinian rights is the equivalent of the Palestinian activists who reject Israel’s right to exist.”
Refusing rights to a group of people is not the same as trying to wipe an existing country off the map. Refusing Palestinian rights is not the same as trying to kill all the Palestinians, and Hamas wants to kill all the Jews.

“The Palestinain activists are no different. They claim they are just bringing food, medicine and other supplies to the besieged people of the Gaza Strip, but the truth is they are merely exploiting Palestinian suffering as a political tool.

“Greece is blocking 10 ships from sailing, but has offered to deliver the food, medicine and other supplies through normal channels. Some of the ships are named The Audacity of Hope, and Tahrir (Liberation).

“But relieving the suffering of the Palestinians in Gaza is not really the goal of the activist leaders. In covering the stand-off, Reuters reports: ‘In an effort to calm the activists, Greece offered to ferry the aid to Gaza in cooperation with the United Nations. The activists turned the offer down, saying this was ‘insufficient,’ as their mission was also about the rights of the Palestinian people and not just about aid.’

“Greek Foreign Minister Stavros Lambrinides responded, ‘It is an offer that is always on the table, and is still on the table.’”
This shows the flotilla leaders aren’t interested in delivering aid to Gaza. The “aid” is just sitting there, gathering dust, when it could already be across the border.

“Many Palestinians genuinely believe the lies of the flotilla leaders, that they seek to break the Israeli siege.”
It is a blockade, not a siege. In a siege, nothing is allowed to go in or out. This is a blockade, which allows goods to flow in and out of the area, but stops weapons, arms, and the materials that can be used for military purposes.

“The only thing they have broken is peace. Only achieving peace will end the suffering.”
Amen.

“The purpose of the flotillas is to express their own selfish hatred of Israel.”
I don’t know how the hatred is selfish. It seems more self-destructive to me. The majority of people on both sides would be better off if there were peace.

“Even if Israel didn’t pressure the Greek government and the ships got through, that would not be enough for the leaders who have misled the Palestinian people for years. They want confrontation with Israel.”
This is true.

“They thrive on the ‘oppression.’ If Palestinians are not suffering, they can’t make their phony arguments to make Israel look bad.”
They are still going to make their phony arguments, regardless of what happens. That’s one of the things extremists do, no matter what the truth is or who’s side they’re on.

“Israel’s extremist government is clearly willing to play along.”
There are Israeli extremists, and some of them may even be in the Knesset, but the Israeli government as a whole is not extremist. If the Israeli government wanted to “play along” they could have just waited for the flotilla to sail, and then sunk the boats in international waters. If they wanted to “play along” they would not have loosened the restrictions on goods going into Gaza.

“Like the Israeli government, these activists oppose the peace process and the creation of two states.”
Again, the Israeli government has clearly stated that it is willing and able to participate in the peace process, and has clearly stated it agrees with the creation of a Palestinian state, provided the Palestinian state will acknowledge Israel’s right to exist.

“They reject the secular government in Palestine, and have fought against it politically. They support Hamas, which has vowed to destroy the Jewish state.”
And that is certainly a problem.

“This stand-off isn’t about peace. It’s not about security. It’s not about easing suffering. This is about selfish, extremist politics, Israeli and Palestinian.”
It’s about trying to break the blockade so military materials can get into Gaza more easily.

“The activists are hoping to create more martyrs to stoke the flames of hate against Israel and incite the Palestinians who are increasingly fatigued by the failed peace.”
This is most likely true.

“Greece should confiscate the supplies and deliver them to Gaza;”
That would be cool.

“deny the activists their hunger for new Palestinian martyrs and deny Israel its ongoing thirst for vengeance against Palestinians for refusing to give up their cause.”
Delivering the goods to Gaza will not deny the activists their hunger for new Palestinian martyrs. Israel is not asking Palestinians to give up their cause of statehood. Israel is asking the Palestinians to give up their cause to destroy Israel and kill all the Jews.

“The activists would be angry with Greece, but they have no option except to simmer in their hatred.”
I am quite certain they are more than capable with coming up with other options.

“Most Palestinians and Israelis want a genuine peace.”
Amen.

“But we’re tired of the repeated failures of leaders who continue to sail on a political flotilla that can be more appropriately called “the audacity of hate.”
Less hate would be a good thing.

I Was Trying to Do the Right Thing

2011-07-04T12:48:00.000-07:00

By Susan Esther Barnes

As I have written before, I am not the best at caring for plants. Far from it.

At one point last year, I had a plant infested with white flies, and despite my best efforts, I couldn't get rid of them. As a last resort, I put the plant outside on the back deck, thinking maybe the spiders would eat the flies. Although one enterprising spider moved in right away, it was no match for the flies, which eventually finished killing the plant.

I left the pot outside, and imagine my surpirse when, a number of weeks ago, I found the plant above had suddenly taken up residence in the pot. It seemed to spring up out of nowhere, and suddenly was a couple of feet high.

It wasn't the same kind of plant that had been in the pot previously, and I didn't know what it was. Because it had sprung up so vigorously, and had such a thick stem, I was concerned it would soon outgrow the pot.

When I saw my sister on Father's Day, I showed her a picture of the plant. Even though she is a Master Gardener, she didn't know what it was. So on Friday I took a photo of the plant to the local nursery, and asked their advice.

They didn't know what it was either, but they agreed that the pot it was in wasn't big enough for it. I asked whether I should by a large pot to replant it, but they agreed that the plant may well be a tree, and would outgrow any pot I was likely to purchase. When I said it was currently on my deck, they said, "If you try to keep it on your deck, you're just asking for trouble."

Which left me with a moral dilemma. If I just left it in the pot, it would become too large, possibly break the pot, and die. It is a living thing after all, and I didn't want to torture it.

Similarly, I didn't want to just throw it in the trash, where it would dry out and die another kind of slow death. I suppose I could have killed it more quickly by cutting it up into pieces before I threw it away, but then I would have felt a bit like an axe murderer.

Then I thought about where the plant came from. There is a small open space common area behind my home. Clearly, some seed or pod or something had fallen into the pot and taken root. Had my deck and the pot not been in the way, the plant would have taken root in the ground below.

So on Friday afternoon I took the plant out of the pot and put it on the ground in a nice shady area below and somewhat to the side of my deck. Then I threw a bunch of water on it to help it get started.

On Saturday evening I threw some more water on it. It has been hot here, and I felt somewhat responsible for helping the plant get settled in what I had been starting to think of as its rightful home.

Then, on Sunday, I leaned over my deck to look at the plant, and saw this:

Apparently, there had either been a swarm of locusts that came by in the night, or, more likely, a neighborhood deer had come down out of the hills and snacked on the plant's nice, tender leaves.

The plant isn't dead yet, but I figure it's just a matter of time. I was trying to do the right thing, but really, just about any plant is doomed from the moment it comes under the influence of my tender care.

I wonder if there's a Hebrew prayer to ask for forgiveness for inadvertently killing (yet another one of) God's plants.

Talking Turkey About The Chicken Story

2011-06-24T12:45:00.000-07:00

By Susan Esther Barnes

There's a post up at The Bloggess that's getting a lot of comments. It's called And That's Why You Should Pick Your Battles.

I ought to mention I haven't read any of the other posts on this blog, so I don't know whether this particular post depicts typical interactions between the blogger and her husband. This may just be an anomoly, although I doubt it.

Glancing through the first few of the over 1,000 comments posted so far, it sounds like everyone thinks this post is hilarious. I think it's kind of sad.

It starts out with the blogger arguing with her husband about towels. Later, when she's leaving the house to go shopping, he orders her not to buy any more towels. In retailiation, she ends up buying the enormous metal rooster (she refers to it repeatedly as a chicken in her blog post) pictured above. She seems to be proud of herself for getting back at her husband in this way.

What I find the most disturbing about this blog post is the lack of communication and empathy between the husband and the blogger.

He doesn't seem to understand the difference between bath towels and beach towels, and there is no indication that she made a real attempt to explain to him why she would want to buy the former after she had already purchased the latter.

The husband is obviously concerned about the amount of money being spent. Ordering the blogger not to buy any more towels is not a great way to communicate this concern.

My husband and I have a rule called, "No pronouncements." Neither of us is allowed to tell the other one what he or she (or we as a family unit) will do. We can each do our own thing, but if one of us wants the other one to do (or not do) something, we discuss it. Sometimes it's a short discussion and sometimes it's a long one, but neither one of us thinks we can tell the other one what to do (or not do).

Even though the husband erred in trying to tell his wife not to buy towels, she then errs further by buying something completely useless. I admit, the rooster is funny, and I can see buying it for fun, if it's something you can afford. But to buy something just to irritate someone else, particularly your significant other, is an unwise and hostile act.

I see so many missed opportunities in this story.

The blogger could have explained to her husband why it's important to have both bath towels and beach towels.

The husband could have taken the time to talk about why he's concerned about the cost of the towels, and to discuess their finances. Are they able to meet all their bills? Are they saving enough for the future? This could be a jumping-off point for them to sit down and agree on financial goals. If they agree on a household budget, there might be fewer arguments like this.

The wife could have told her husband how she feels when he orders her not to buy something. This could have been an opportunity for her to talk about how disempowering it is for him to do that, rather than jumping at the first possible opportunity to agressively reassert her power by purchasing something neither one of them can really use.

So yeah, I can see how some people would think this story is funny, but I think it's pretty sad.

Things I Don't "Get"

2011-06-18T20:00:00.000-07:00

By Susan Esther Barnes

I make a conscious effort to look at things from the perspective of other people. Looking for alternate ways of interpreting situations has been particularly effective for me, especially when I come across something I don’t understand.

I think it all started back when I was a kid and my mother told me, “There’s too much milk going down the sink.”

I thought she was saying the milk was somehow harming the sink or clogging the drain or something, so I replied, in all innocence, “Maybe we should throw it in the toilet instead.” She was not amused, and I found myself trying to figure out why my clever suggestion made her angry.

Maybe it’s just because I’ve been traveling a lot lately on business and I’m feeling tired and cranky, but despite my best efforts, there are some things I have come across recently that I just don’t “get.”

***Please note: My husband was in no way involved in the following incident.***

As an example, I can understand how a guy who has never made microwave popcorn before might set the timer wrong and walk away from the kitchen, thereby allowing the popcorn to burn beyond all recognition.

What I don’t understand is how he can then leave the microwave looking like the one pictured at the top of this post without making any attempt whatsoever to clean up the mess.

Another thing I don’t get is why a fast food restaurant would need to have a locking mechanism on the inside of their restroom door that is so confusing they need to have a whole series of signs telling you to lock the door and how to do it:

Is this just a ploy to scare off people who are on a long drive and want to use the restroom without buying anything?

Then there’s this sign on the ceiling of a hotel room I stayed at recently:

How many people had to hang their clothes on the fire sprinklers before the hotel decided it was worthwhile to put these signs in all the rooms? Are there that many people who don’t know what a fire sprinkler is, or who aren’t able to find the closet?

And lastly, the straw that “broke the camel’s back” and got me to make this blog post, why would a rental car company give the vehicle pictured below to a person who made a reservation for a compact car?

Leading My First Shiva Minyan

2011-06-15T10:02:00.000-07:00

By Susan Esther Barnes

Last night I led my first shiva minyan. It was exhausting.

The word “shiva” means “seven.” For the first seven days after someone close to them has been buried, a family stays at home and observes a number of practices. One practice is to hold prayer services in their home. The prayer service requires a “minyan,” or a group of ten or more Jews.

Last year the Cantor offered a class on leading a shiva minyan. We have a large congregation, and often there can be more than one or two deaths in a week, so it’s hard for the clergy to be able to do all the shiva services. I attended the class, and my name was added to the list of people who can help do this.

I also was able to get some experience leading Tuesday morning services. The morning service is longer and more involved than a shiva service, so between that experience and the shiva minyan class, I should have felt fully prepared.

However, walking into the mourner’s house last night I felt completely unprepared. I was ready to do the actual service itself, but somehow I hadn’t expected everything else that goes on around it.

First, I hadn’t expected people to come to me for advice. One woman asked me where she could find a support group of people who are faced with ailing parents. I was able to point her to Jewish Family Services, but I wished I had a list of support groups with me.

Before the service I spoke with the sons of the women who died, and one of them asked how long the service would be. What popped into my head was, “I have no idea – I’ve never done this before.” I didn’t want to tell them this was my first time. However, there are some portions in the prayer book we can say or leave out, so I asked them whether they would like a full service or an abbreviated one.

Later, one of them asked, “Did you start to do this after your father died?” and I said, “Technically, yes” since that was true without admitting this was my first one.

I also found that the sons were looking for my approval. I kept thinking, “I’m not a rabbi. Who am I to approve or not?” but they needed me to tell them it was okay that many of their friends and family don’t speak Hebrew, and it’s okay that the funeral earlier that day was hard so they didn’t want to talk about their Mom again during the service that night, and it’s okay if they don’t want me to go through the whole prayer book. They were relieved by my assurances, but being the person to give them those assurances felt heavy.

Then the service started, and it was too hot. I was wearing a blazer, which I should have taken off. I could feel my face getting red, and I was starting to sweat, but I didn’t want to interrupt the service to take off the blazer. I hoped my appearance wasn’t too distracting.

We got to haskiveinu, which is a lovely song about God spreading a shelter of peace over us. I explained the meaning of the song, and suggested those present think about sending thoughts of peace to the mourners.

Then I started singing, and realized that only one or two other people knew the song, so it was virtually a solo. I know full well the song is too high for my voice, but usually when we get to the high part nobody can hear me because I sing softly and my voice is covered by everyone else. No such luck here. My voice was shaking anyway, I got to the high part and my voice cracked like I knew it would, and I just pressed on.

At the end I was hoping it wasn’t too awful. I thanked everyone for coming, and to my surprise a couple of people thanked me for leading the service, and said I did a good job.

I spoke with a friend about it afterward; particularly about why it was so exhausting. She pointed out that when you’re in a situation where you have to be hyper aware of what is going on around you, and adjusting what you’re saying and doing to fit what you’re seeing and hearing, it takes a lot of energy.

So although the next time I lead a shiva minyan it may not be less tiring, at least next time I think I’ll feel more prepared.

"Rabbis Don't Do Laundry" at TC Jewfolk

2011-06-15T08:00:00.000-07:00

By Susan Esther Barnes

I'm very excited to have my first monthly post up at TCJewfolk. It's called Rabbis Don't Do Laundry, and is about how we project our stereotypes about authority figures onto rabbis and others. I hope you enjoy it!

Haveil Havalim #319

2011-06-12T08:00:00.000-07:00

Pilgrimage Through Time

2011-06-07T20:32:00.001-07:00

By Susan Esther Barnes

A couple of times a year my job takes me on a road trip through time, causing me to drive past the towns I lived in years ago. Sometimes it’s hard to drive by those places without remembering what my life was like when they were my home base.

Last night I passed by the town where I lived with my ex-husband from the mid-80’s through the mid-90’s. Whenever I think about that place, I think of mitzrayim, Egypt, the narrow place from which the Jews escaped in the Exodus. Those days were unbelievably constricting. I felt like there were walls pressing in all around me, to the point that my spirit was almost crushed.

I used to think of myself as a person who would be married to one person all my life. It was incredibly difficult to give up on that vision. In the end, I mourned the loss of the marriage, but not the distancing of myself from the man.

It’s not that the vision was meaningless, or that I didn’t love my ex-husband, but the relationship we had never constituted a healthy marriage. In fact, I realized on our honeymoon that I had made a horrible mistake. In a way I was trying to cling to something that never existed. It reminds me of a line from a song by The Wailin’ Jennys called “Heaven When We’re Home” which says, “I’ve been hanging on to nothing when nothing could be worse than hanging on.”

Also last night, I drove by the town where I lived during and after my separation and divorce. When I think of that place it always brings a feeling of lightness. The heavy burden of my marriage was gone.

The walls, however, were still there. They were just pushed out a little farther away. It was like moving from a straightjacket to a room of unknown size with dense fog obscuring the walls. I didn’t know what my limits were. They felt close, but I didn’t know how close.

Like the Israelites who left mitzrayim, I was b’midbar, in the wilderness, and I didn’t know how to handle my freedom. I remember one evening, early on, pulling to the side of the road on the way home from work. I had to stop because I couldn’t decide what to have for dinner, so I didn’t know whether I should drive home, or to the grocery store, or to a restaurant. I had to decide before I could move.

Deciding was so difficult because, for ten years, deciding on what to have for dinner was about reviewing what we had eaten recently and then trying to guess what my husband wanted to eat. The penalty for guessing wrong was getting yelled at, and being told what was wrong with me.

On my own, when I tried to think of dinner, my mind kept going to what he would want, and I had to keep reminding myself that didn’t matter any more. It was just about what I wanted. That thought pattern was alien to me.

I understand long-term prisoners have the same problem when they get out of jail. When someone else decides everything for you – what you wear, when you wake up in the morning, when you go to sleep, what you eat – it is hard to decide those things for yourself. These decisions seem simple and easy to most people, but it’s hard to train yourself to employ new and different patterns of thinking.

Like the ancient Israelites, I was physically free, but still wandering in the wilderness, trying to make sense of my new circumstances and trying to learn a new way of being.

Finally, last night I drove to the area where I now live. This place feels expansive. It’s not that there are no walls; it’s just that they are both further away and more clear to me. These walls are so far distant that I don’t run into them often, but unlike the hardly-seen walls after my divorce, their presence isn’t a mystery.

In the middle I live in a safe place, with a husband who loves and supports me, and who gives me a solid home base from which I can take the risks necessary to explore the placement, the strength, and the height of the walls.

I’m not convinced it’s possible to live in this world with no walls. We all have limitations. They are physical, or financial, or spiritual, or emotional. The difference is, these walls aren’t stifling. They don’t interfere with my daily life. I know where they are. And I know that if one gets in my way, I can give it a good shove, and it will likely move aside.

I don’t know where the next place will be, or how it will feel. I don’t know what the walls will be like there. But I know it will be where I’m supposed to be. It brings me back to the same Wailin’ Jennys song, with its refrain, “It’s a long and rugged road, and we don’t know where it’s headed, but we know it’s going to get us where we’re going.”

Heart Study Tries to Give Me a Heart Attack

2011-06-03T09:48:00.001-07:00

By Susan Esther Barnes

For 25 years or so I’ve been a participant in a study about heart disease called Cardia. I wrote about my most recent exam here.

I was picked for this study randomly – not because there was any reason to believe there is anything wrong with my heart. The idea is to get a bunch of folks in their early 20’s and follow them through their life, taking various measurements over time. Then, as we age and start having heart issues, they can compare their data on us over our life span, and look for correlations between the various measurements and who has heart trouble, to see if they can identify predicting factors and/or identify habits people can change to minimize their risk.

Being in the study has made me feel pretty confident about my cardiovascular system, because test results in the past have shown that I have no calcium built up in my heart, no signs of plaque buildup in the main arteries in my neck, decent cholesterol levels, etc.

I was looking forward to seeing this cycle’s test results in particular because this time they gave us a diabetes test. My father, alav hashalom, struggled with diabetes, so it’s something I think about, and want to avoid. But if I have it, or am heading in that direction, I want to know so I can start taking care of it right away.

The first page of the results, which I just received, showed my echocardiogram results. I assumed this page would just be a quick glance for me. After all, I know already that my heart is in good shape.

Imagine my surprise, then, when I read, “The purpose of this letter is to let you know that one or more reported values of your echocardiogram fall in a range that requires clinical follow up for your age group or gender.” (Emphasis in bold in the original). That doesn’t sound good. I was starting to worry.

So I looked down at the chart which shows the various measurements for my heart, compared to the values Cardia considers to be worthy of a person seeking medical advice. Dimensions are fine. Septal thickness is fine. Amount of blood being pumped is fine, etc. So, what’s wrong? Add frustration to my concern. I could feel my blood pressure rising. This can’t be good for my (apparently ailing) heart.

I read the offending sentence aloud to my husband, “The purpose of this letter…” to which he replied, “So, they’re saying one or more of the values is bad but they don’t say which one?” Finally, I noticed one sentence at the bottom of the chart, in small print. It said, “Other: Mitral valve prolapse with mild mitral regurgitation.”

Oh, for goodness sake! I was diagnosed with mitral valve prolapse when I was in college, before I ever entered the Cardia study. As I was told at the time, and as confirmed on the Mayo Clinic website, “In most people, mitral valve prolapse isn’t life-threatening and doesn’t require treatment or changes in lifestyle.” I am one of those people. The only symptom I ever have is an occasional irregular heartbeat, but that doesn’t happen often, and it doesn’t hurt. In fact, it kind of tickles.

In other words, there is no reason to worry about these results, or to see my doctor.

So I finally got to turn the page and see that all my other results were normal, including the glucose test. I don’t have diabetes, or pre-diabetes, and my cholesterol levels are good, too. Baruch hashem.

Of course, my CT scan results aren’t in yet, so there’s still an opportunity for Cardia to try to give me another heart attack.

Your Questions Answered - #3

2011-06-01T18:57:00.000-07:00

By Susan Esther Barnes

One of the fun things about getting website statistics for my blog is I get to see the search terms people use to get here. A lot of those search terms are questions. You have some great questions, and I think they deserve an answer. In February and April I answered some of your questions. Below are answers to some of the questions you have asked since then:

Can Jews Eat Pork Before Their Bat Mitzvah?
Jews are not supposed to eat pork, ever. I think this question alludes to the fact that when a person becomes a bat mitzvah (for a girl, or bar mitzvah for a boy), the purpose of the ceremony is to welcome that person as, literally, a “daughter (or son) of the commandments.” The community recognizes that this person has reached a point, by virtue of their age and, we hope, their education and wisdom, so that they are now responsible for following the commandments.

This does not mean they shouldn’t follow the commandments before then. It is just that, before the age of bat or bar mitzvah, they are children, and as such they can’t be held liable for their own actions. Of course, their parents or guardians are still responsible for them, and ought to be teaching them to follow the commandments all along, starting with the ones children are capable of doing, such as not eating pork.

Do I have to be Jewish to follow the Torah?
No, you don’t have to be Jewish to follow the Torah. Anyone can read the Torah, study it, read related texts, and follow the commandments. If you are not Jewish, whether or not you follow the Torah is voluntary. If you are Jewish, then you are commanded by God to follow the laws of the Torah.

Do Jews kiss after getting married?
Yes, Jews kiss after getting married, and do all the other things that married people do, including the things that can lead to having babies. Otherwise, the world would have run out of Jews a long time ago.

What’s the point of halacha?
The Torah contains 613 commandments that we are supposed to follow. Of course, we can’t follow about half of them, for reasons mostly having to do with the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem, but that still leaves us with a few hundred commandments to follow.

Over time, various questions arose over what some of the commandments mean. For example, on Shabbat we’re supposed to rest, and not do work. But what constitutes work? Is it only something I get paid to do, or does it include volunteer work? Does it include folding the laundry, or carrying a book next door to my neighbor’s house?

In addition, the rabbis worried that if people only tried to follow the commandments in the Torah as written, they might break a commandment by mistake. For instance, if you are supposed to rest on Shabbat, and Shabbat begins at a certain time, you can work up to a fraction of a second before that time. But what if you lose track of time and go over? Or you miscalculate? Or your watch is wrong?

For this reason, the rabbis decided to do what we call “building a fence” around the Torah, adding rules to make sure we don’t come close to breaking a Torah law. If you’re told to light Shabbat candles 18 minutes before Shabbat actually starts, it’s pretty safe that you won’t lose track of time so long or miscalculate the time so badly that you’ll actually end up doing it after Shabbat has started.

Halacha is the system of laws the Jews established in order to take care of both of the issues above: To give guidance about what the various laws mean, and to build a fence around those laws to make it unlikely that anyone will break them by mistake.

Of course, halacha was written by fallible men, and there are all sorts of things we could say about how various improvements to halacha are long overdue, but the point of halacha is to help us follow the commandments.

Is soy bacon kosher?
Soy bacon can be kosher, if it contains no pork or other non-kosher substances, and doesn’t contain both meat and dairy. It isn’t the word “bacon” that makes bacon non-kosher; it’s the fact that it is a pork product. So if you make something with kosher ingredients and call it “soy bacon,” or “turkey bacon,” or whatever, it’s still kosher.

The objective of Jewish prayer
The English word “pray,” according to my Webster’s Dictionary, means to “entreat” or "implore,” implying that the objective of prayer is to ask God for stuff. The Hebrew word for prayer, T’fillah, means to judge oneself.

The objective of Jewish prayer, then, is to look inside oneself and to think about how we’re living our lives and what we can do to improve. It’s not that we don’t ever ask God for stuff, it’s just that asking for stuff isn’t the main focus. In fact, on Shabbat we’re not supposed to ask God for stuff; we’re supposed to be content, for that one day a week, with the world exactly as it is.

Keep those questions coming!
I would love to answer more of your questions, so feel free to ask some in the comments section below, or just keep going with those interesting search terms.

Jews on Planes

2011-05-25T20:54:00.000-07:00

By Susan Esther Barnes

I’m not one of those people who strikes up conversations with strangers on airplanes. As a general rule, I tend to keep to myself, read a book, write something, or maybe even take a nap. The exception to this rule seems to be when I run into a Jewish person.

It’s one of those peculiarities of the Jewish people that, when we meet, our first reaction seems to be as if we have suddenly found a distant relative. I don’t know if it’s because we’re a minority group, or because we consider all Jews to be a “member of the tribe,” or it’s just a more common phenomenon having to do with finding someone with whom we have something in common, but whatever it is, when I come across another Jewish person on a plane, we end up talking as if we’ve known each other for years.

The first time I noticed this happening was years ago, when I was on a plane, reading a book about Jewish Life Cycles. The woman sitting next to me told me her grandson was going to have his bar mitzvah in a few months, and she wanted to know whether my book had anything to say about the responsibilities of a grandmother during a bar mitzvah ceremony. Sadly, it did not, but that did not stop us from talking about the upcoming ceremony, her family, and any manner of other subjects.

Most recently, this happened on a plane to LA, where I was traveling on business with my boss. He and I were speculating on which country had the most Jews outside of Israel and the United States, when the man on the other side of me gave us his opinion. It turns out he was and American Jew of Persian descent. Before we knew it, we were filled in on his family’s business, what happened when one of his relatives returned to Iran, and which synagogue he didn’t attend regularly.

Of course, it’s not always all smiles and roses. There was that one time on the plane to Israel when one of the black hat Orthodox men refused to take his seat because it was between another woman and me, and he just couldn’t get past the restriction against being in such close proximity to females with which he wasn’t related.

Still, it is noteworthy that, for a person who almost never talks to strangers on planes, my longest and most interesting conversations have turned out to be with other Jews.

Why the Current Use of the Term "Torah Jew" is a Chilul Hashem

2011-05-16T09:40:00.000-07:00

By Susan Esther Barnes

We Jews seem to have a lot of labels for ourselves these days. Reform, Conservative, Orthodox, Modern Orthodox, Chasidic, Renewal, Reconstructionist, Humanistic; the list goes on.

In some ways, the labels can be useful. If I’m visiting a synagogue for the first time, what label it gives itself can help me decide what to wear and how to behave once there. For example, in some synagogues I could probably show up in blue jeans and a t-shirt without feeling out of place. In some, I would be expected to wear at least a pair of slacks and a nice blouse. In others, I’d have to wear a long skirt, a long-sleeved blouse, and a wig or other hair covering.

Similarly, in some synagogues, I would be welcome wearing tefillin and a tallit, and in others I most certainly would not. In some, I would find women and men sitting together, and in others the men and women would sit in separate areas.

Therefore, knowing the denomination, or label, the synagogue identifies with helps me to prepare for my visit in a way that will lessen the chance that my clothing or behavior might result in an embarrassing faux pas.

On the other hand, even as the number of Jewish labels seem to be increasing, some people are rejecting such labels. Labels can be limiting. They can also lead to assumptions about the members which are not necessarily true. Some synagogues and prayer groups are using the terms “non-denominational” or “post-denominational” for themselves, although, of course, these too are labels.

One of the labels that has come to my attention in recent years is the term “Torah Jew.” My objection to this term is that currently it seems to be used only by Jews who others would most likely call Orthodox. The trouble I have with this is not that I think the Orthodox are not Torah Jews. It is clear to me that religious Orthodox Jews study and shape their actions according to their understanding of the Torah.

The problem I have with this term being applied only to Orthodox Jews is that it is equally clear to me that all other religious Jews also study and shape their actions according to their understanding of the Torah. We all read from identical copies of the same Torah scroll on Shabbat and at other services.

Applying the term “Torah Jew” to only one minority group implies they follow the Torah while the majority of religious Jews don’t. This is a falsehood, and a chilul hashem (desecration of God’s name). We may not all agree regarding how we interpret God’s intent, but we are all Torah Jews.

Haveil Havalim #316

2011-05-15T08:00:00.000-07:00

Founded by Soccer Dad, Haveil Havalim is a carnival of Jewish blogs -- a weekly collection of Jewish and Israeli blog highlights, tidbits and points of interest collected from blogs all around the world. It's hosted by different bloggers each week and coordinated by Jack.

Opinions expressed in the posts linked below are those of the respective bloggers and not necessarily endorsed by me.

Judaism:
Rabbi Rachel Barenblat presents a lovely poem in A psalm for those who are in freefall posted at Velveteen Rabbi.

Mystery Woman reminds us there are things beyond our control in The Ultimate Matchmaker posted at Mystery Woman.

Batya writes about conversion and more in Converts to Judaism, Long Process posted at Shiloh Musings.

Mordechai Torczyner calculates the amount of time a man taking a certain path would study halacha before becoming a rabbi in How long does it take to become a Rabbi? posted at The Rebbetzin's Husband.

Ben-Yehudah presents How Ex-Haredi Artists Can Reapproach Judaism posted at Esser Agaroth.

Israel:
Harry presents thoughts about Zionism in a thoughtful piece called At my most Zionist posted at ISRAELITY.

Read up on all the latest as Joel Katz presents Religion and State in Israel - May 9, 2011 (Section 1) and Religion and State in Israel - May 9, 2011 (Section 2) posted at Religion and State in Israel.

Benji Lovitt presents, as posted at Jpost, WE’RE BAAAAAACK! 63 MORE Things I Love about Israel posted at Benji Lovitt.

Batya questions the prominence of money in discussions about making aliyah in Is Money the Key to Promoting Aliyah? posted at Shiloh Musings.

A Walker in Jerusalem is frustrated with new construction styles in A tomb with a view posted at A Walker in Jerusalem.

Ben-Yehudah presents Christian sect seeks residency and settlement in Samaria - Jewish Israel posted at Jewish Israel.

Yom HaZicharon and Yom HaAzma'ut:
Tanya Tolchin writes about the importance of community in I Need a Siren posted at On the Lettuce Edge.

Rivkah Lambert Adler celebrates Israel's 63rd birthday in You turned my mourning into dancing (Psalms 30:12) posted at Bat Aliyah.

Batya writes about the holiday in One Very Large Family posted at Shiloh Musings.

Blue and white are the colors of the day as Harry presents Mourning in blue and white posted at ISRAELITY.

Mirjam Weiss presents May Their Memory Be Blessed posted at Miriyummy.

Mordechai Torczyner presents The Religious Significance of Yom ha'Atzmaut posted at The Rebbetzin's Husband.

Westbankmama presents Fighting on a Different Front ? Debunking the Arab Narrative posted at West Bank Mama.

Harry presents a piece about the celebrities who showed up in American celebrities help mark Independence Day in Israel posted at ISRAELITY.

Ben-Yehudah explains why he says Hallel for God saving the Am Israel/Eretz Israel from destruction even though he's not pleased with the secular government in Dear Ariel, Please Join Me In Saying Hallel On 5 b'Iyyar posted at Esser Agaroth.

On a similar note, Schvach presents Schvach - פני דל posted at Schvach - פני דל.

Jacob Richman shares a photo in "Lights of Hope", 720- meter-long flag on the walls of the Old City of Jerusalem posted at Good News from Israel.

Politics:
Independent Patriot/Elise presents a story about whether "Israel" should be listed as the birthplace on the passport of a person born in Jerusalem in Jerusalem: SCOTUS, POTUS and Congress posted at Liberty's Spirit.

Personal:
I write about how it's hard not to be able to write about some things in The Silent Scream posted at To Kiss a Mezuzah.

Mrs. S. writes about her grandmother, may her memory be a blessing, in Bobi a”h posted at Our Shiputzim: A Work In Progress.

Read about a tradition I wish we would all adopt as one of our own as Rickismom presents A Family Tradition posted at Beneath the Wings.

Batya presents Aliyah, A key to Success posted at Shiloh Musings.

Humor:
I don't think this post is even remotely funny, but Heshy Fried submitted it under "Humor" so here it is: 61 really frum�things posted at Frum Satire.

Food Reviews:
Daniela presents Tirat Tzvi's New Thin Sliced Deli-Meat posted at Isreview.

Daniela presents Five's Sugar-Free Watermelon Gum posted at Isreview.

How you can participate:
You may submit your blog post for the next edition of Haveil Havalim by using our carnival submission form. Past posts and future hosts can be found on our blog carnival index page.

The Silent Scream

2011-05-13T12:38:00.001-07:00

By Susan Esther Barnes

Over the last year and a half, I have become a regular blogger. I write down whatever moves me, and post it for all to see. And over time, although not huge in number, my readership has grown in an encouraging way.

I did not realize how spoiled I was becoming. I have gotten used to being able to post about whatever moves me; about whatever I discover about myself and my world. This transparency, this not holding back of what is inside, has helped me to grow in confidence about myself and the inherent “okayness” of the person who is me.

It was a bit jarring, then, to discover in the last few weeks that this freedom I have been taking for granted is not as limitless as I had imagined. A couple of things have happened about which I cannot, in good conscience, post, since doing so would hurt other people.

I know I can write about these things, and then save what I write in a private place, or discard it, without risking the harm I wish to avoid. However, doing so still would not fulfill what I have become accustomed to, namely, not holding back in my blog, not covering up, not avoiding that which is hard to admit or discuss.

So despite the other options that may be available to me, what I am left with still feels a bit like a silent scream.

The Second Week

2011-05-01T18:54:00.000-07:00

By Susan Esther Barnes

On Monday evening I got the call, “The burial will be on Thursday at 11 a.m.”

Finally, I was able to make some plans and take some action. I notified my sister, my husband, my synagogue, and the folks at work. Time, which had been moving so incredibly slowly for the past week, suddenly snapped back into a normal pace.

On Tuesday morning I spoke with the attorney’s office that will be handling my father’s estate, and made an appointment to meet with them on Wednesday afternoon. Then my husband and I packed up the car, I sent an email to my father’s widow, Chris, to tell her we were on the way, and we headed out for the approximately seven hour drive to Mammoth Lakes.

We arrived at the hotel and I checked my email, but I didn’t have a message back from Chris. I was anxious to see her and to speak with her about what would happen at the burial. I sent her an email to let her know we had arrived. We tried to call her a couple of times, but her phone was busy.

The next day, there was still no email or call from Chris, and her phone was still busy. My husband and I drove by the house to make sure everything looked okay, which it did, but we didn’t want to just knock on the door unannounced.

Instead, we drove to the cemetery. It is very small. We tried to find where my father’s grave would be, but there was no hole dug yet, and it was impossible to tell.

I called the synagogue to test the phone reception, which was good. This was important, because in order to say the Mourner’s Kaddish, the prayer for the dead, it is required to have at least ten Jews. I knew I wouldn’t be able to gather ten Jews at the cemetery, so we planned to do the next best thing. Nine of my friends were going to gather in Rabbi Lezak’s office the next day to say Kaddish with me over the phone.

We continued on the Bishop, where we had lunch and met with the attorney. He explained that because of the long processes involved, including three weeks of newspaper notices before I can be appointed officially as the executor, as well as four months for any creditors to file claims against the estate, there is no way the estate will be settled until some time next year. At least that means there isn’t anything much I need to run out and do right away.

We tried to call Chris again, got a busy signal again, and drove back to the hotel. We left a message at the hotel desk for my sister to call when she and her family arrived, made a few more unsuccessful calls to Chris, and settled in to wait.

When my sister, her husband, and her older daughter arrived (her younger daughter chose not to come), we went to her hotel room to discuss what we ought to do. Why wasn’t Chris answering her emails, and why was her phone busy? Did she just not want to deal with us? Was she okay? It seemed unlikely that she had suffered a heart attack or stroke or something, but it wasn’t completely out of the question.

Finally, we decided we would all drive over to the house to see what was up. She came to the door and welcomed us in. We told her we had been trying to get ahold of her. She looked surprised, picked up the phone, and discovered she had no dial tone. She didn’t know her phone had been out of order.

We all went out to dinner, and I sat next to Chris. I told her about my plan to say the Mourner’s Kaddish at the burial, as well as to ask her, my sister, and my niece to read something from the rabbi’s handbook. She said that was fine; she didn’t seem to care one way or the other. At least she didn’t object, as I had feared she might.

On Thursday morning, Rabbi Lezak called my cell phone just as we were arriving at the cemetery. He said some comforting and rabbinic things but I didn’t take any of it in; I was too keyed up.

The people gathered in his office introduced themselves so I would know who was there. I walked to where my father’s coffin was poised over the open grave that had been dug sometime after we had visited the previous day. The rest of the family in attendance arrayed themselves in a line to my right, and were joined by a neighbor who had unexpectedly come as well.

I said the Mourner’s Kaddish. It was hard, and I stumbled over the words in some places. Hearing the voices on the other end of the phone saying it with me was of incalculable value. I’m not sure I could have gotten through the whole prayer without them sustaining me. Afterward, they told me they loved me, and I told them I loved them too. It was a huge, huge deal.

Chris looked so alone, so I went over and I held my arm around her as the coffin was lowered into the grave. It is Jewish tradition that the next of kin be the first people to toss dirt onto the coffin. I didn’t want the first dirt to be thrown onto the coffin by strangers. At my direction, Chris tossed some dirt onto the coffin, then my sister did, and then I did. I should have asked my niece to toss some dirt in too, but I didn’t think of that at the time. I don’t know why. I regret it.

There is something final about the sound of dirt hitting the top of a coffin. I had never heard it before, and it is not a sound I will forget. It is an effective way to drive home the notion that all this is real.

Chris said she hadn’t brought her reading glasses, so I read the passage I had chosen for her, then my sister and her daughter read the passages I had chosen for them.

I know we didn’t do things in the traditional order. For instance, the Mourner’s Kaddish should have been at the end, but I didn’t want to keep the folks on the phone waiting for an unknown amount of time. I felt awkward leading the proceedings, but I was glad I did, because otherwise nobody would have. It would have been too lonely and sad to just stand there and not have any kind of service at all.

On the way out of the cemetery, I followed the tradition of ceremonially washing my hands, and Chris washed her hands as well. My sister chose not to wash her hands. She said she wanted the dirt to become part of her.

Chris thanked me for leading the service. She said she appreciated that it was short and honest. I had been so anxious that she wouldn’t want there to be any prayers or anything; it was a big relief to know she actually found it to be helpful.

Then my husband and I got into the car and we began the long drive home. The next afternoon, a group of people came over for the traditional meal of consolation. It was helpful to have the opportunity to talk some about what had happened over the last several days, and to say the Mourner’s Kaddish again with a room of people.

I was able to participate in services on Friday night to a much greater extent than I had the previous week. As happened the previous week, on both Friday and Saturday, I was flanked by members of my community who didn’t want me to sit alone.

Traditionally, when we say the Sh’ma, the central prayer asserting that God is one, we gather the fringes from the four corners of our tallit (prayer shawl) into one hand. I did not do so either last week or this week. I still acknowledge that God is one and that everything is one, but right now things are still feeling a bit too blown apart for me to gather all the fringes together.

Still, I know I am healing. It is a huge relief to know that my father’s body is buried and his spirit is free. I know that, slowly, the fringes will start to come back together.

The First Week

2011-04-24T03:42:00.000-07:00

By Susan Esther Barnes

I learned of my father's death early Saturday evening. An email went out from the synagogue to the congregation on Sunday morning. On Sunday evening, on less than 12 hours' notice, there were 30 people in my home for a minyan.

On the way over, Rabbi Stacy had stopped at the synagogue to pick up the prayer books we use at a mourning service, but neither she nor her husband could get the key to the office to work, so they arrived without them. We went through the entire service without the benefit of the prayer books, and nobody missed a word. Nobody missed a beat. There are those who think Reform Jews are ignorant and uneducated. I beg to differ.

When we rose and faced east for the Bar'chu, we looked out the windows over the small common area of trees and bushes behind my home. As we stood there, a man started to raise the blinds in a home across the way. Once they were up, he looked across at us. I am sure he wondered why there were a bunch of people here, standing at the window, looking out at him. After a moment, he closed the blinds again.

I know he had no way of knowing what was going on, but I couldn't help but think, "He is trying to close himself off from death. We are opening ourselves to death's reality. He would be better off if he would open the blinds and join us."

For the first couple of days, I couldn't sleep for more than a couple of hours at a time. I was tired. Time seemed to stretch out in a way it never has before. No one thing seemed to take a long time; it was just the accumulated weight of it all.

Then the cards and the emails started to arrive. As a member of the synagogue board of directors, I've been writing sympathy notes to congregants for a couple of years now. I tried to put a lot of thought into what I said in those notes.

On the receiving end of such notes for the first time, I noticed that some people wrote a paragraph or two, and some just signed their name to a pre-printed sympathy card. That is when I learned that it doesn't really matter what you write. Sure, it's nice to get a card that has something personal written in it. But at the end of the day, what matters is that the person took the time to send one. Whether they write something in it or not is greatly outweighed by the simple fact that they were thoughtful enough to send one.

On Thursday night, someone from the synagogue delivered a meal to our house. When I agreed to receive the meal, I didn't think it was a big deal. After all, I had been eating. But when I opened the bag and smelled the chicken, I realized it was the first hot, decent meal I'd had since the night before my father died. I've never had much patience for cooking, and I have even less now, so I had basically been snacking. Knowing that the meal came from the synagogue and was made with love made it that much better.

On Friday evening, my husband and I went to the synagogue. Normally I get there early to greet people at the front door. This time, we arrived just before services started, and there were others there to greet us.

My friend Judi sat with us in the rabbi's office and held my hand as services started. The beginning of the service is a series of joyful songs. Mourners traditionally don't enter the sanctuary until after L'cha Dodi, the song welcoming the Sabbath Bride, because we are not capable in joining in the joy of the opening songs at this time.

Usually I open the synagogue doors at the end of L'cha Dodi to "enable" the Sabbath Bride to come in. This time Judi and Ken opened the doors, and after the song, John and I walked in to take our seats.

When the time came for the prayer for healing, I realized that, although I had been saying my father's name for the last few years, I would no longer be asking for healing for him. I skipped his name, and went on to the name of my friend Mark, and Frank, the significant other of a friend at work. Then I started to cry, both because I could no longer say the prayer of healing for my father, and because I heard other people asking for healing for me.

At the Saturday morning service, I wrapped myself in my tallit (prayer shawl), so it completely covered my upper body below the neck. I didn't know I was going to do that, but it felt right to wrap myself in it that way. I was so grateful that I was in the habit of wearing a large, full tallit. Many people, especially women, wear a much smaller tallit, more like a large scarf, completely incapable of enveloping a person the way mine did.

For much of the service on both Friday and Saturday, I didn't sing or join in the prayers. I closed my eyes and listened. The sound of the congregation was unbelievably beautiful. I don't think they have any idea how beautiful they sound; I certainly had no idea before this past weekend, when I had been singing rather than really listening.

The songs felt like warm, gentle waves lapping over me. I felt raw, like my body was an open wound, which the waves of sound could not touch or heal. Yet the waves washed over me, surrounding me, creating a barrier between me and the rest of the world, assuring me that although they could not heal the hurt I am now feeling, they will embrace me and protect me from other hurts, and allow my healing process the space to begin on its own in its own time.

I am still in the time called anunit, the period between death and burial. I still don't know when the burial will be. Time is still moving at a freakishly slow pace. It feels like it's been a month since my father died.

It is possible that the only people at the burial will be my father's widow, my sister, my husband, and me. My sister asked me to say a few prayers at the burial. Rabbi Michael loaned me a copy of the rabbi manual he uses at life cycle events so I will have something appropriate to say.

I don't know how this is all going to play out over the coming weeks and months. I know I could have struggled through this on my own, but the incalculable value of going through this in the midst of a loving community is clear.

As I told Judi on Friday night, ever since I was 17, it has been my husband who has carried me through all the hardest times of my life. I am so grateful he doesn't have to do it alone any more.

Suspended in Mid Air

2011-04-18T02:45:00.001-07:00

By Susan Esther Barnes

Baruch dayan ha'emet.

Everyone's grieving process is different. I wish mine were different than it is, but it isn't something I get to choose; it isn't something I can change. I call mine the Wile E. Coyote style of grieving.

My father, may his memory be a blessing, died on Saturday morning. I found out about it early Saturday evening. It is now very early on Monday morning - so early it is really still Sunday night.

I should be crying. At the very least, I should feel immersed in sadness.

My father was in and out of the hospital for a week before he died, but neither my sister nor I knew that before his death. I should be angry at his wife - now his widow - for depriving us of the opportunity to be there for him during the last days of his life.

Because he died two days before the start of Passover, instead of the normal seven day shiva mourning period (the word shiva even means seven), I only get about 48 hours. I should feel cheated out of the proper shiva period to which I thought I would be entitled.

Because his widow has chosen not to bury him for seven to ten days, I should feel horrified that his body will spend so much time on a cold shelf in a morgue, alone, without a shomer to watch over him.

I thought the shiva minyan (prayer service) we had on Sunday evening would help to move my grieving process along faster. I thought it would bring all these feelings out, but it did not. That is not how my grieving process works, and despite my wishes, it will not be rushed.

Instead, I am still mostly numb. Like in the old Road Runner cartoons, just after Wile E. Coyote has inadvertently run off a cliff, I am suspended in mid air. I am in the midst of a pregnant pause that stretches out beyond credulity, even though, to some extent, I understand something important has gone wrong.

Like Wile E. Coyote, I tentatively reach out with a paw, feeling for the ground which is no longer beneath me. For me, this takes the form of my newfound inability to sleep for more than a couple hours at a time.

Here I will hang, for an unknown period of time, before I am able to look down and suddenly begin my plunge to the valley floor below.

It does me no good to envy those who, in what appears to me to be a more realistic fashion, drop immediatley after running off the cliff edge. It does me no good to tell myself the ground under my feet is gone and I cannot turn around and regain the cliff top.

No, against my will, I must pause here, hanging like Wile E. Coyote in mid air, waiting for the inevitable plunge to come at some random moment of its own choosing.

But I have one thing Wile E. Coyote did not have. And that is the knowledge that when that plunge comes, my husband and my community will be here to catch me.

Haveil Havalim #313 - the Pre-Passover Edition

2011-04-17T08:00:00.000-07:00

Baruch dayan ha'emet. My father died on Saturday morning after a long illness. This week's blog carnival was almost entirely already put together by then, and is automatically scheduled to post on Sunday morning. I hope that works. Please forgive any errors or typos. I will not be proofreading this as I normally would.

Founded by Soccer Dad, Haveil Havalim is a carnival of Jewish blogs -- a weekly collection of Jewish and Israeli blog highlights, tidbits and points of interest collected from blogs all around the world. It's hosted by different bloggers each week and coordinated by Jack.

Opinions expressed in the posts linked below are those of the respective bloggers and not necessarily endorsed by me.

Passover:
Batya turns a discovery during pre-Passover cleaning into a win-win situation in That Was Fast, Flour Gone posted at me-ander.

Rickismom cleaned twice in Starting Off One’s Day…. posted at Beneath the Wings.

Still wondering what to cook during the week of Passover? Mirj has some useful recipes in Don?t Pass Over These Recipes posted at Miriyummy.

With all the cleaning and cooking, don't forget about counting the Omer. Batya tells us about her experiences with trying to remember to count every night in Sefira Memories... Free Email and/or Cellphone Sefira Reminders? Nu? posted at me-ander.

Paul Kipnes shares some thoughts about the lamb bone on our seder plate in Got a Bone to Pick on Passover: Try this New Shankbone (Zeroah) Ritual posted at Or Am I?.

Batya shows us some Passover activities in Israel in Celebrating Passover at Tel Shiloh, Festival for the Entire Family posted at Shiloh Musings.

Please, don't go into debt buying stuff for Passover. But if you do, Harry presents Taking a loan for the holiday posted at ISRAELITY.

Homeshuling tells us about a Passover-related book in Yuvi’s Candy Tree – an interview with author Lesley Simpson posted at Homeshuling.

Daniela presents Osem's Mini Yellow Crouton Soup-Rings Kosher for Pesach posted at Isreview.

Eating rolls during Passover seems like cheating to me, but Daniela has a couple kosher-for-Passover roll finds in Green Lite's & Pillsbury's Rolls Kosher for Pesach posted at Isreview.

Judaism:
I don't think morality and halacha should be mutually exlusive, as I explain in Morality and Halacha posted at To Kiss a Mezuzah.

I answer questions from readers about Judaism and related subjects in Your Questions Answered #2 posted at To Kiss a Mezuzah.

Mordechai Torczyner presents an interesting perspective on the job of a rabbi in The Weakness of the Rabbi’s Business Model posted at The Rebbetzin's Husband.

Independent Patriot/Elise presents Glad I Do Not Consider Myself A Reform Jew Any Longer- Part 2 posted at Liberty's Spirit.

Antisemitism:
Elise /Independent Patriot writes about anti-semitism at her son's school in Dealing with the Oldest of Hatreds-AntiSemitism posted at Raising Asperger's Kids. It's not any easy thing for any of us to handle, but how much harder would it be if you were still a teen, had self-control issues to begin with, plus the authorities didn't seem to believe you? It's a miracle nobody was physically harmed, in my opinion.

Antisemitism can be particularly disheartening when it comes from other Jews. Allison Josephs presents a case of Jews reacting badly when a woman starts to become more observant in Why Is Everyone Turning Against Me Now That I'm Becoming More (Jewishly) Observant? | Jew In The City posted at Jew in the City.

Looking for a list of stuff Jews have been wrongly blamed for? Yip Bop provides it in JEWS – THE POPULAR SCAPEGOATS - News Beyond News! posted at News Beyond News!.

Israel:
Laura Rosbrow writes about the bombing in Jerusalem in Being in Israel During the Jerusalem Bus Bombing and about the changing status of women in Israel in Israel Women Smashing the Glass Ceiling posted at The Internal Conflict.

Joel Katz once again provides us with a wide variety of news and information in Religion and State in Israel - April 11, 2011 (Section 1) and Religion and State in Israel - April 11, 2011 (Section 2) posted at Religion and State in Israel.

Harry gives us a peek at part of Israel's new defense system in Meet Israel’s new super hero – the Iron Dome posted at ISRAELITY.

Apparently, time is different in Israel, as Rivkah Lambert Adler explains in Israel Standard Time posted at Bat Aliyah.

Batya wrties about the forthcoming but not overly popular light rail system in More Sightings! Jerusalem's Lightrail is Chugging Along posted at me-ander.

Technically, this happened in Gaza, not Israel, but it's about rockets being fired into Israel, so close enough: Dave Bender writes a blurb about terrorists firing from a graveyard in Hamas Now Using Dead 'Human Shields' posted at Israel At Level Ground.

Dave Bender presents a lovely photo in ''A View With A Room' Along The Ancient 'Spice Trail' (photo) posted at Israel At Level Ground.

View Israeli postage stamps as Jacob Richman presents New Israeli Educational Stamps posted at Good News from Israel.

Politics:
I thought this might go under anti-semitism or Israel, but the author categorized it under Politics, so that's where I'm placing it. SnoopyTheGoon presents Pastor Sizer: crossing the red line of anti-Israeli discourse posted at Simply Jews.

Batya presents PEACE With The Pseudostinian aka Palestinian sic Arabs, Let's Check Out Mutual Goals and Values posted at Shiloh Musings.

Culture:
I write about weaving individuals into a community in How Threads Beome Cloth posted at To Kiss a Mezuzah.

Batya writes about an all-star football game in Israel in The IFL All-Star Game, Working Together posted at Shiloh Musings.

Personal:
Paul Kipnes presents My Hero: A Heartwarming Aspergers Tale posted at Or Am I?.

How you can participate:
You may submit your blog post for the next edition of Haveil Havalim by using our carnival submission form. Past posts and future hosts can be found on our blog carnival index page.